Testing... Testing... Pun, Two, Three

Private Eye Frank Chase and his partner/dog Max are on the case!

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Postby Milligan on Fri Mar 15, 2002 12:47 pm

Just thought I'd try out the new forums...

A scientist was successful in cloning himself, and was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone jumped up and shouted, "he's a *&^^%*@)&!".
Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists,". Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "this dumb *%@(&+*! couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent *$3%$#*#+=!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and the events that had transpired were explained to them.
The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you."
The scientist replied, "For what? You can't arrest me for killing a clone!". The attending scientists nodded in agreement.
"Well!" retorted the police chief. He thought for a moment and ordered the scientist held for "Making an obscene clone fall..."

I'm so, so sorry.
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Postby Major Tom on Fri Mar 15, 2002 1:18 pm

Padre? ADad? ....

I think we have work to do...
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Postby Padre on Thu Mar 21, 2002 8:30 am

A gallimaufry of logodaedaly and verbalistic legerdemain
The Music of Bach
by Aaron G. String
Religion
by Abel Lever
Big White Bird
by Albert Ross
Sorry!
by Anna Poloji
The Solitary Beast
by Annie Malone
The Singer
by Barry Tone
The Blessing
by Benny Dixon
The Tightrope Walker
by Betty Falls
Urban Areas
by Bill Tupp
My Life as a Cowboy
by Brandon Steers
English Breakfast
by Chris P. Bacon and Ann Negg
That's Life
by Cilla Vee
The Lion-Tamer
by Claud Face
The Poker Player
by Delia Cards
Prehistoric Reptiles
by Dinah Soar and Terry Dactyl
The Building
by Eddy Fiss
Ships in Harbor
by Dr. Longside
The Open Window
by Eileen Doubt
The Visitor
by Enoch Zatador
The Broken Window
by Eva Brick
The End Of The Week
by Gladys Friday
Under Arrest
by Hank Uft
Make Your Home Secure
by Havelock Smith
The Tudor Banquet
by Henrietta Knox
Lady Godiva
by Honor Whitesteed
Frankenstein Meets Dracula
by Horace Tory
King Kong
by Hugh Jape
I'll Follow
by Hugo First
Reminiscence
by Ira Member
Drafts
by Isadora Jarr
Singing In The Rain
by Ivor MacIntosh
The Pony Club Show
by Jim Carner
The Commuter
by Jocelyn Train
Make 'em Laugh
by Joe King
At The Eleventh Hour
by Justin Time
Fried Chicken
by Ken Tucky
Slimming
by Lena Boddy
The Paint Ingredient
by Linsey Doyle
Keeping The Peace
by Lorne Order
Down South
by Louise Yanner
Painting Walls
by Matt Coats
Quoting Hamlet
by Maureen Soroth, Annie Nanga
How To Have Fun
by Meryl Lee
Spoil The Child
by Molly Coddle
The Gardener
by Moses Lawn
The Void
by M. T. Ness
Journey Across The Desert
by Mustapha Kamel
On Bended Knee
by Neil Down
Less Than A Quarter
by Nicola Dime
Dog's Dinner
by Nora Bone
D-Day
by Norman D. Landing
The Unexpected
by Oliver Sudden
Clementine
by Omar Darling
Primitive Transport
by Orson Cart

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Padre on 2002-03-21 08:32 ]</font>
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Postby AccordionDad on Thu Mar 21, 2002 1:04 pm

I don't have anything new, so I'll post a classic (a personal favorite, too).

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin. One slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
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Postby Rognik on Sat Mar 23, 2002 7:22 am

And I thought my one friend was bad for horribly obscure puns...

Well, since ADad introduced math puns:
What do you get when you cross a lion and a tiger?
"Lion Tiger cos theta"

What do you get when you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?
You can't. The mountain climber's a scalar.

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Postby AccordionDad on Mon Mar 25, 2002 10:47 am

OK, now we're starting to sound like that group in high school that sat around entertaining themselves with obscene words read by holding their watch calcluators upsdide down instead of walking across the cafeteria and talking to a GIRL.

I mean, it's been WEEKS since I make a dot-product joke.
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Postby bride2k on Wed Mar 27, 2002 12:32 pm

Ok, first let me say that I hate puns... however I got this in my email and it made me laugh.

Secondly, I am posting this and I want to make clear that before I was a Milligan, I was a Russo. So I mean no disrespect.

Now here is the pun.

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.
After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good.
So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for
dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move.
Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.
The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.
Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.
The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies.

They listened as the alligator sang:

"Drained wops keep falling on my head."
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Postby Major Tom on Wed Mar 27, 2002 1:20 pm

I have nothing more contributory to say than:

heeehheeehee - very nice.
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Postby kmd on Thu Mar 28, 2002 7:46 am

OOOOOOOO! Bride2K that was awful! But I think that you married into the right family.
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Postby UncleTrombone on Fri Mar 29, 2002 12:25 am

Hi everyone! It's been a lowoong time since I posted here. Maybe I smelled the puns in the oven. Or something.

I'd like to point you to <a href="http://geekrock.keenspace.com/d/20020325.html">a particular comic</a> of mine. The puns aren't that good but one of them is nostalgic. My dad used to say it to me <i>every</i> time we passed a certain road sign. What with all the accordian dad's around I figured I could share some family humor.

Also, Matt's site logs showed up in my site logs which means my <i>site</i> must have showed up in his site logs. (Follow that?) So I'd like to say, "Hi Matt, that was my comic!"

OK, upstate New York represent.

Edit: Oh, I forgot my password and a bunch of other things, so I'm registered as a new user. But really, I've been here before. I swear.
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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: UncleTrombone on 2002-03-29 00:26 ]</font>
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