The Never-Ending Story

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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Wed Jul 03, 2002 12:05 pm

"...how to curb the Enchanters from gaining too much power from the Hypno-Ray technology. We need to insure the proper checks and balances among the races of the Council."

As I stood listening to Yang speak, I realized how little I knew about him, the wizard, Yin, Zoot, Zeet - all of them. Who were they and why did they need the Hyno-Ray technology? Was their race represented by the Council? I also couldn't forget that the threat to us from the Enchanters needed to be put to an end right here, right now. I wanted some straight answers.

"Hold on, ALL of you!" I said, a bit angrily. "I really need to get some facts straight on all of this. We seem to be stuck in the middle of some weird shit, and I think that you all owe it to my friend and I to give us some answers."

Bonaduce nodded and said, "Yours is not an unreasonable request, but in the interest of time, we will limit you to 3 questions. So, choose them wisely."

I blurted out, "Well, my first one is directed to Yang." I turned toward him. "Who ARE you people? You've already said you're NOT Enchanters."

Yang smiled, and said, "...
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Postby kozmo on Sat Jul 13, 2002 1:00 pm

"...I am a member of the race represented by The Council. We came here to earth several millennia ago. I am sort of a forward observer and offered the advice that The Council use this planet as their base of operations although this planet is in a remote corner of the galaxy. We left our mark on your civilization in many ways. The pyramids located all throughout the world is one example. We were quite successful except for your species' insistancy at destroying yourselves. The Atlantis thing, I have to admit, was our mistake. Bad choice of real estate."

"It has been an uphill battle. The current labor/management situation in your American Major League Baseball is a microcosom of the human determination to destroy itself."

"We are simply using your planet as a base of operations. We expect we will have to evacuate it in the next 300-400 years due to war, overpopulation, and enviornmental decay."

All of a sudden I got sort of a shiver down my spine. This was some real Chariot of the Gods shit. All thoes crackpots talking about aliens from space really were right. They were still crackpots though. All I wanted to do was get the Enchanters off my ass, take my $12 mil. and head to Maui. That led to my next question...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Tue Jul 16, 2002 10:36 am

... "What will it take for you to let us go and leave us alone?"

There was silence as the Council members looked at each other. I didn't expect the question to be so challenging.

Finally, Yang spoke. He said, "The Council is confused. All they know is that you somehow obtained a Medallion, and that you have taken a primitive form of our regenerative flux transform array technology and created a device capable of controlling the minds of others. This invention of yours is really not part of their jurisdiction, but is of interest to the Enchanters and others who try to keep them in check."

At last, I felt like we were getting somewhere.

Yang continued, "Since I belong to the race represented by the Council, I can supercede these proceedings. As far as I'm concerned, the Medallion issue is closed since Yin has the Medallion you found, and she is a member of my race. I'm well aware of how you obtained it, and, while I don't condone your behavior, I see that you were ignorant of the Medallion's properties and had no designs to use it." Man, once you got the old guy talking, he didn't stop...

Yang again, "I wanted you to come before the Council because I feel the Enchanters have too much power. With the Hypno-ray, they would be able to hasten the demise of your world, and, truth to tell, I have a certain fondness for you people, no matter how fucked up you are. Therefore, I would like to ask that you turn the Hypno-ray over to Yin so that she may use it to shift the balance of power."

Bill whined, "No! That's not fair! We..."

Yang interrupted, "Silence! I've said my piece. Now it's time for the third question...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Tue Jul 16, 2002 6:52 pm

Yang turned and looked at me.

That was when the dragon stepped forward, cleared his throat politely and asked, "I just want to know if I give the Hypno-Ray over to Yin if she'll give me a little sumpthin-sumpthin if you know what I mean?" Yin actually blushed.

I thought Yang and the Council would be pissed off by his insolence, but they all burst out laughing. When they started calming down, Yin bowed her head and said sheepishly, "I cannot give you what you want. You see, I have no genitalia. That is why I am so focused on my job. Normally my people are exceedingly sexually active, but there are those like me who are both cursed and blessed by a lack of sex organs."

The dragon stood there with his jaw dropped wide open. "But... but..." he stammered. With that, the Council, still chuckling to themselves, moved to adjourn and leave the room. "Dumb fuck, didn't know she had no goodies," I heard Martha Stewart say, "That's NOT a good thing..." she cackled cruelly. Bitch.

As the group started to disperse, I heard Bill still muttering to himself, "Not fair.... not fair..." As I looked over to him, I saw him start to raise Yang's staff above his head and move toward the dragon...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Mon Jul 29, 2002 9:25 am

...with obvious malicious intent. I shouted, "Look out!" But it was too late. Bill brought the staff down on the head of my dragon friend. There was a flash of white light with a core of purple where the dragon's outline persisted, even as I closed my eyes against the blinding intensity of it. When I opened my eyes, the dragon was nowhere to be seen. Bill stood there with the staff held at waist level, looking bewildered. The rest of the Council turned and arrayed themselves in a semi-circle around Bill.

Yang approached Bill and held out his hand. "The staff was not meant to be used in anger. You must relinquish it now."

Bill backed away, shaking his head. He seemed smaller somehow, and his voice whined a little as he said, "No, you gave it to me fair and square. Indian giver, Indian giver, Yang is an Indian giver." Unbelievably, this last bit he sang, reminding me of a little boy. His voice was wavery and off-tune.

I was pissed. I pushed my way past the Council members and stood next to Yang, confronting Bill. "Hey Bill, a little advice for ya -- don't quit your day job with that voice. Yikes! Now listen, you Amway-selling, evil-empire-building scumbag. What happened to my dragon friend? Tell me or I'll make Netscape my default browser!"

He shuddered slightly, but adopted a defiant look as he raised the staff up. I heard Yang say, "No! You must return the staff to me!" even as the staff came down. Once again the flash of light, only this time closer, surrounding me, and I had to close my eyes. When I reopened them, I saw that I was...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Mon Jul 29, 2002 7:09 pm

...sitting next to the dragon in a small, dark cafe. Some cool, hip-hop funky jazz was playing. I looked around me to get my bearings. The room was smoky, and I quickly recognized it as reefer smoke. I looked at the dragon questioningly. "Amsterdam" was all he said, and I smiled and nodded as I began to comprehend.

"What the fuck?" I asked him.

"Weird, huh? All I know is that we are in a coffee shop called 'Basjoe's' in Amsterdam. The owner didn't seem to think it was all that strange for me to appear out of thin air in a flash of light." he hooked his thumb toward the bar where a heavily-dreadlocked fellow was bobbing his head to the music. He looked at us and smiled, then came over to our table carrying a "menu".

I turned back to the dragon. "What does this all mean? What happens next? What..." The dragon put his hand up to stop my incessant questions.

"Dude, chill. We're in *Am-ster-dam*. What happens next is...."
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Postby kozmo on Tue Jul 30, 2002 10:56 am

"... we place our order. "

Mr. Dreadlocks came over with sort of a binder. Inside there were these pages with little compartments. Each contained a lucious tidbit of hash. There were many different textures, colors, and consistancies.

"What do you reccomend?" I asked our waiter.

"Well, the Afgan Red is some of our best. You might try it while we have it since the war has interrupted our supply. However, if you prefer something with a more domestic flavor, I reccomend the Turkish Blonde."

The dragon said "Let's have a chunk of the Afgan Red first then bring us some of the Blonde a little later"

"Excellent choice" said Mr. Dred.

We proceeded to toke down using one of the pipes the shop had available for sale. All the events of the past week seemed to melt away and I drifted into a pleasant state of incomprehension. I hadn't been this stoned since years ago when we smoked that fluffy green Kentucky pot and went to see "Fast Times at Ridgemont High".

About that time this chesty red-head walked over to the table. She looked a little rough but do-able even though she did have a little arm pit hair.

I said "Would you like to join us? We have some Turkish Blonde on the way and perhaps...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Wed Jul 31, 2002 10:41 am

...you could..."

She ignored me and stared at the dragon with wide eyes. I stared, mesmerized in that fascinated stupor that comes with a blast of Afghan Red, as she reached out, so slowly and stuck her fingers in my friend's nose. She shuddered slightly as her fingers entered the nostrils. (Normally, I would have been disgusted, but in my altered state, I found the whole thing strangely erotic.) Her eyes glazed over as she entered my dragon friend's inner world.

I realized that she was one of those dragon fetishists. They just have a thing for dragons. She couldn't care less about me, so I let my gaze wander around the room. It felt good to have a chance to relax. That's when I noticed Yang sitting at a small table in the corner. Yin sat across from him, her back to me. Yang caught my eye, winked, and exhaled a huge plume of smoke, shaping his mouth in an "O" shape so that the smoke formed a giant expanding ring. The smoke ring rose slowly and worked its way to our table, hovering several feet overhead, pulsating slightly. It tripped me out.

Then, as I stared at the smoke circle, it changed, collapsing and contorting until it formed the shape of a...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Wed Jul 31, 2002 6:30 pm

...giant hand, which began poking the redhead in the middle of the back. This seemed to break her intense concentration, because she took her fingers out of the dragon's nose and turned around to see what was behind her. As she did so, the hand flipped over, palm up, with it's index finger hooking in, beckoning her to follow it. She did so, and walked right out the front door, still mesmerized by the apparition.

"Freak," the dragon said. "Those dracophiles are the weirdest bitches on the planet... Now, where's that blonde hash?"

I motioned toward the corner where Yin and Yang sat. He looked over his shoulder and then quickly put his head in his hands. "God DAMN it!" he exclaimed. "I really thought we were done with those guys this time. I was just starting to relax and enjoy myself for the first time in days."

"Dude, hold on," I said, trying to calm him down, "at least let's find out why they followed us here. Hey, maybe we'll just let them buy us a few jays, we'll catch a buzz together and say our farewells. At least, let's go talk to them."

The dragon sat up and looked back over at them. "Well," he said, "maybe if it's just one last time. She's still pretty hot, even if she doesn't have a woo-woo. Maybe a hand job?..." he trailed off as he started walking over to their table...
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Postby kozmo on Wed Aug 07, 2002 12:49 pm

...as I followed.

"Look." the dragon said "If you want the Hypno-Ray, it's yours. You won't get any resistance from us. You can sell the damn thing on E-bay if you want"

"Relax dude" Yang said. It was kind of odd coming from a 120-year old something guy. He proceeded to drop a dark brown chunk onto the table that sort of looked like a Tootsie-Roll.

"This will blow your Afgan crap out of the water"

We proceeded to toke down on this incredibly smooth hash. At least I assumed it was hash. It had a silky smooth feeling on the intake which expanded and left you with a roller coaster buzz.

After a few hits I found myself at the bar where sitting next to me was Yin in all her fine glory. After chatting with her I realized she was quite buzzed and I decided to take advantage of this situation. I slipped the bartender a tip and he directed me to a back room of the shop where...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Wed Aug 07, 2002 3:45 pm

...rock and roll blared out of speakers mounted in the corners of the room. The only furniture in the tiny room was a small rickety looking bed. In my altered state, it didn't even occur to me to wonder how many other buzzed "encounters" had been consummated on that bed, or what the cleanup procedure was between uses. I had one thing on my mind, and that was to see what Yin WAS capable of, given her lack of genitalia.

As soon as the door was closed behind us, Yin enveloped me in a hug that gave me a chance to once again feel her ample breasts press against me. Then she kissed me, and my life was altered forever. The pulse of the rock music seemed to enter my ears and fill my body -- it felt like my heart was matching the rhythm exactly, and I realized that our lips and our tongues were dancing, moving to the music in a way that was so inevitable and right that I disappeared and there was only music, rhythm and the kiss.

Perhaps it was the drugs, but within a short time, I felt an orgasm building -- one like I had never felt. It wasn't centered in my penis, but rather filled every cell of my body. My skin tingled and heat seemed to swirl up from the base of my spine. My eyes were closed, but I imagined that if I opened them, I'd see rays of light energy streaming out of my body. I felt a euphoria that was beyond what I had felt with any drug.

Then, Yin pulled away. I tried to maintain the connection of our lips, but she was too strong. All the sensations I had been feeling fell away and I was left with an emptiness that made me gasp. I could think of nothing but feeling all of that again. Yin said, "...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Wed Aug 07, 2002 7:04 pm

"Damn! Thanks! That was great!" She was sweating and flushed. "I...I've never experienced the big 'O' before, what with no genitalia... You were fantastic!" My jaw dropped. Other parts of me, however had definitely NOT dropped.

"Uh, can we keep doing that? I wasn't quite done yet." I started walking toward her, longing to re-enter that magical, mystical, profound state of bliss.

She smiled, kind of embarrassed, and said, "No, I'm sorry, I don't think I have the strength!" She was fidgeting and wiping the perspiration off her forehead. She seemed to be acting kind of weird, even given our intense, drug-induced haze of consciousness. "I just feel really strange right now.... I.... don't...." That was when she collapsed. But that wasn't half as freaky as what happened next...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Tue Aug 13, 2002 4:11 pm

.... Her form became fuzzy and indistinct. A moment later, I was staring at an unconscious Bill the Enchanter!

I stumbled to the door, threw it open and only made it a couple of steps into the cafe before I fell to my knees and began vomiting. Even in my numbed state, I felt violated and unclean. I don't know how long I was there heaving before I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I looked up and there stood my dragon friend with Yang by his side.

"Dude, what's up? You havin' a bad trip?" my friend asked.

I shook my head weakly and just pointed toward the tiny room where Bill still lay sprawled. My friend looked into the room and instantly roared, "What the FUCK!" With amazing speed, he grabbed Yang and threw him into the little room. Then he lifted me off the floor and carried me into the room, slamming the door behind us. He set me down on the creaky bed, turned to Yang and said in a scary, monotone, psycho voice, "You people have fucked with us for the last time. First, you're going to tell us exactly what is going on. Then, you're going to take your scumbag friend and disappear or I'll gut you like a fish and let you wallow in your own intestines as you die watching me fry your Enchanter friend's limbs to charred stumps."

I shuddered. I had never seen my friend this way.

Unbelievably, Yang smiled and said, "...
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Postby kozmo on Fri Aug 16, 2002 6:12 am

"...You see, Bill wants the hypno-ray plans so bad he used the form of a soft, lovely female to get at your oversexed friend."

"OK," said the dragon. "He can have the Hypno-Ray"

About that time Bill began to wake up. The dragon dragged him over to the table and began to rattle off a bunch of techno jargon as Bill feverishly took notes on a pad he grabbed from a desk in the corner. I couldn't help but notice that Yang looked a little concerned

After that the dragon said "OK, he has his damn Ray gun. Now we're outta here" Sounded good to me.

We started for the door when we ran into 3 of the council members. Newt, Martha, and Eminem. They didn't look too happy. Eminem said....
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Sat Aug 17, 2002 7:46 am

"Now you've done it. You've forced our hand. We have no choice but to kill Bill the Enchanter." Martha bitch-slapped me while Newt looked on disappointedly, shaking his head.

They pushed past me into the room. Newt closed the door behind him. The 7 of us stood facing each other in a circle. I still had a bit of a buzz on and for a moment I thought we were going to start doing the 'Hokey Pokey'.

"Bill!" Martha said, "You know we can't let you leave here alive with the Hypno-Ray technology. We have only one option..." She pulled out two beautifully crafted, stainless steel, honed to perfection, 8" Henckels chef's knives, seemingly from nowhere. She approached Bill menacingly, one knife in each hand. "Now, I'm going to gut you like a fish and let you wallow in your own intestines, you scumbag!"

I saw a look of raw fear on Bill's face - I mean, who *wouldn't* be scared shitless by an armed Martha Stewart? I noticed a growing wet stain on the front of Bill's Haggar Sans-a-belt polyester slacks.

Yang quietly said, "There is *one* other way, besides bloodshed...."
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Mon Aug 19, 2002 9:33 am

..." Everyone looked at Yang expectantly as he continued, "We could use the hypno-ray to program all ambitions to own and use such technology out of Bill's mind. Of course, the Ray by itself would never be sufficient to control an Enchanter, but augmented by my own special abilities, it could be made to work."

Eminem was nodding, "Yes, that could work. Then we'd destroy the Hypno-Ray and be done with the whole affair."

Slowly, as this plan sank in, everyone in the circle nodded. Bill was nodding rather enthusiastically, I thought, but I could see why since by then Martha had one knife at Bill's throat and the other poised only inches from Little Bill and the Boys.

Yang clapped his hand together and said, "We're agreed then! No blood need be shed..." he looked pointedly at Martha, who hesitated, sighed, and lowered the knives. Yang said, "All we need is... Ah!" He had seen that my dragon friend had produced the battered Hypno-Ray prototype.

It was over in a flash -- Yang worked with the Ray to make sure Bill lost all knowledge or interest in the Ray technology, and the rest of the council left. (I could swear Martha still looked disappointed, but I suspected she'd get her jollies by eviscerating someone else.) At last, the four of us stood in the little room. I still had a hard time looking at Bill without feeling nauseated, but I could tell that he seemed subdued. I asked Yang, "So, where IS Yin?"

He replied, "Well, I imagine she's out in the cafe by now, saving a table for us so we can...
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Postby Gilmoure on Tue Aug 20, 2002 3:06 am

...get it on, 'dam style.

With one last heave, my stomach shot it's last load of acid on a tour of my sinus cavities. As I picked myself up from the floor, strands of puke stretched from my nostrals all down my front, to my shoes.

Everyone in the room was smirking at me. Martha looked like she was ready to use her knives on me!

"I can't go out looking and feeling like this" I wailed up to the heavens.

"Not to worry" said the dragon. "Hold still."

The dragon turned away from me, bent over and lifted his tale.

"Oh shit!" I thought as a high pressured, lavander spray engulfed me. It smelled like a cross between Hi Karate and Altoids. My skin tingled everywhere, like a thousand goose-pimples were launching themselves into space. The mist went up my nose and down my throat, burning everything clean.

"Ahchoo!" With that large sneeze, a large purple worm shot out of my nose, carrying with it all the poisons of the last few days. Straightning up, I suddenly realized I was sober. My hair felt clean, my eyes weren't burning barbique coals and my breath wasn't a deadly weapon anymore. In short I was a new person.

"Who the hell am I?!" I wailed. I was in this room with some freaky looking stiffs and a big purple thing. While I was trying to figure this out...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Mon Sep 02, 2002 1:38 pm

...the dragon walked over and bitch-slapped me. I shook my head one last time, and everything was clear again. Wow, that short-term hallucinatory/amnesia thing was FREAKY!! I guess that afghan blonde hash was more than I'd bargained for...

"Thanks," I said to the dragon. "Hey, about that 'tail spray' thing..."

He just held up his hand. "No need to thank me. You see, there are these two glands located near my...."

"STOP!" I held up my own hand. "I don't want to know the details. We must never speak of it again."

I looked at Yang. "Shall we go back out and sit with Yin?" I asked. He nodded and led the dragon and I back out into the cafe. Sure enough, the *real* Yin was sitting there, rolling a fat joint. She motioned for us to sit with her.

As we sat down she said, "...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Tue Sep 10, 2002 8:16 pm

...I bet you could use some of this." She looked at me as she fired up the big doob, took a huge hit, and passed it over. I took it gratefully, and let the smooth smoke fill my throat and lungs. It was too smooth. I took a monster hit and in a few seconds I was coughing like a newbie. "Holy crap!" I gasped, "That shit really expands!"

The dragon plucked the joint out of my fingers and looked at me in disgust. He puffed half of what was left in a quick breath, held it for awhile, then showed off by expelling the smoke from his ears. Yin laughed.

Something about Yin's laugh triggered an image. It was like everything came together in that instant and became clear. All that had been happening to us since our adventures started in Thailand seemed like part of a big pattern. Excited, I turned to the dragon and said, "...
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Postby Gilmoure on Thu Sep 12, 2002 3:29 am

"...My hovercraft is full of eels!"

At least that's what I wanted to say. It was so funny that I could barely stay in my chair. Then I realized that I hadn't said anything and was just sitting there staring at the dragon. Everyone was just looking at me like I was some kind of gooby college kid taking his first hit.

"Gotta' stop drooling" I mumbled as a small Nixon climbed out of the left nostrel of the dragon and proceded to tango with himself on the dragon's snout.

I started to shake my head to clear it but could tell that two or three vertebrae had fallen out and the slightest movement would send my head over my back, streaming down like the long blond hair of the naked woman who just ran screaming in from the street. Her screams sounded like a cheap alarm clock; "breeep breeep breeep!"

I hated her for this but was caught up in how she was able to juggle with her unruly breasts in non-repeating patterns while still catching flys with chopsticks in one hand and beheading them with the butterfly sword in the other.

"Damn!"

"This was some gooood shit! Want more! More!! Mooooore!!!" I yelled out with all the volume of a kitten snoring.

"Mellow out doood" said Yin, reverberating oddly. "It's cool. There's more. I need you to do just one little thing for me first..."
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Sun Sep 15, 2002 4:15 pm

"What's that?" I asked. Or, thought I'd asked. It came out in Latvian. I didn't speak Latvian.

Yin asked back, "Think hard now, and focus. I know it will be difficult. Turn all of your attention to the Yin/Yang tattoo on my stomach." She lifted up her shirt and through the swirling maelstrom of my hallucination and did my best to focus on the tattoo.

I saw the tattoo become three-dimensional and start to hover and pulse with color.

"Now," Yin continued, "I am going to help you forget all that has happened to you since you first ran into the wizard and his linguist."

Even through the distorted haze of the drug she had given me, I understood that she was hypnotizing me. Perhaps this was best. I needed to decide whether I did indeed want to forget, or whether I should fight her efforts and retain my memories of these strange and incredible events...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Thu Sep 19, 2002 8:44 am

.... I thought back to that day in Thailand and wondered if I really wanted to forget. There still seemed to be something significant I was missing. My thoughts became more sluggish as the pulsing yin/yang tattoo continued to hover before me. Hazy memory fog. Remember or forget? A thought, tiny but bright, was shining somewhere in the fog and I tried to move toward it. It was too far and the fog became thicker. Everything faded...

I opened my eyes and saw that I was lying on a park bench. Leaves sparkled overhead against a rich blue sky and I could hear a breeze whispering through the branches. I felt rested and clear-headed, and I realized that I was no longer in that drug fog. I sat up and looked around. I was alone in a peaceful little park. There was a pond before me. Ducks swam along the far side.

Where was I? Where were the others? Pieces of memory began falling into place. I remembered being in the cafe and losing it. All the events leading up to that came back in a flood and I gasped as I remembered that Yin had tried to hypnotize me to forget. I couldn't remember anything after that, though. I considered getting up to search for my dragon friend, but it felt so good to just sit and not have to deal with Enchanters, Councils and the like.

As I sat there, a woman appeared, walking a golden retriever. She wore jeans and a t-shirt. Her red hair was pulled back into a little bun. She walked towards me and smiled and I thought, "Hey, she's cute!" The dog tugged at the leash as he strived to get closer to check me out. I said, "Good morning." and she replied, "...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Sat Oct 05, 2002 3:28 pm

"Guten Morgen!"

She replied to me in German! Where *was* I?

I looked around and searched the back of my brain for any remnants of the 4 years of German I'd had back in high school. "Bitte," I managed "wo bin ich?" I thought I'd start by asking where I was...

The cute redhead looked a bit puzzled but replied, "Sie sind im Botanischer Garten in Muenchen."

The botanical garden in Munich! Holy shit! I studied the redhead more closely, hoping for some clue. Damn, she really was cute.

Again she looked puzzled. "Are you lost or hurt?"

This time I looked surprised. "You speak English! Good. Yes, actually I am lost." I tried to think up a good story. "I must have had a few too many at the beer garden last night. I swear I was hallucinating about some giant purple dragon." I chuckled to myself.

"Oh," she said, "do you mean *him*?" She pointed off to my right...
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Postby Fritz Grosswelt on Thu Oct 10, 2002 12:35 pm

...where I saw my dragon friend lying face up on the grass, not far away. His hands made a pillow for his head and he had a peaceful smile on his face as he stared up into the sky. I also saw that his legs were spread in that way that always reminded me of a dog -- and which incidentally revealed his substantial endowment. I glanced at the young fraulein next to me and saw from the look on her face that she was appreciating my friend's "asset".

"Yeah, that's him," I finally answered her question. Her eyes didn't stray from her perusal of my dragon friend and I found myself irritated. The women always seemed to go for him. I shrugged. When I thought about it, I realized that much of our current situation had come about because of that relentless urge to get laid.

The peacefulness I had awoken with were fading as I wondered how we had ended up in Munich. I also wondered if we had seen the last of the Enchanters and of Yin and Yang. A bird sang in a nearby tree and I decided it was too nice a day to worry about all that crap. I said to the young woman, "C'mon, I'll introduce you..."

As we walked on the soft grass, the dragon turned his head to look at us. He said, "Dude! Who's your friend?"

I started to speak, but the redhead interrupted and said, "...
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Postby Hans P. IceBat on Mon Oct 14, 2002 7:41 pm

"Du hast ein riesiges Paket." I stared at her in disbelief as she began flirting shamelessly with the dragon.

"Dude," I said to him, "she just said..."

"I know," the dragon said, grinning from ear to ear, "she said I had a huge package." He sat up and held out his hand to her. How the fuck did *he* know German? I was starting to get pretty damn cranky, so I stomped off to leave these two alone. I was only 20 yards or so away when I looked back and saw the two of them sitting in the grass already making out.

"Oh well," I thought, "at least I can look around and try to figure out what we're doing here and get a feel for the place." As I walked, I stuck my hands into my pockets. I felt something in them. When I pulled my hands back out, I saw that I had a large stack of 100 Euro notes in each. Now it was my turn to grin from ear to ear. So, where *was* that beer tent? I saw an older German gentleman walking toward me.

"Entschuldigung," I asked him, "Wo ist das Biergarten?" I figured I'd just head over to the nearest beer garden and find me a nice young Fraulein of my own. The man stopped and looked me up and down, a slightly puzzled look on his face. He pointed to my right. Duh! The beer garden was only about 100 yards away. He walked on, shaking his head and muttering some German expletives. "Danke!" I called after him and waved. I rubbed my hands together and headed for the beer garden...
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