Moderator: Maritza Campos
Jappus wrote:Personally, I too, for example, deem Dominic Deegan a bad webcomic, I read it, because its story is like watching two trains speeding against each other, a trainwreck bound to happen.
When life gives you lemons, do not make lemonade. And for gods' sakes, don't throw them at someone. Instead, think. Think long and hard about what you did to get these lemons. Because if you can get an abstract concept like Life to give you real, physical lemons, you're one step away from the secrets of the universe.

TheMackster wrote:Why is the Internet full of these people?
This is how we wrote in the high school paper when we were 14 years old
I certainly won't stop reading a comic because someone tells me it's crap.
Lightice wrote:This is how we wrote in the high school paper when we were 14 years old
Were you a prodigy? I wasn't in high school at that age.
So yes, my sig would make apparent that I read the aforementioned blog, but with it covering CRFH, does anyone else, and really, is there any defense for the flaws pointed out within?
During the first few comics, the incompetent dullard responsible (one Maritza Campos) shows off the kind of level she'll be abandoning shortly in favour of something worse.
If you can ignore the cross-eyed, gibbon-armed scribbles that are supposedly some variety of people,
we can see the kind of amazing story and dialogue that will bore the tears out of everyone for the next eight years.
It begins with an explosion! An explosion that isn't shown on panel, off panel, but vaguely referenced. Yes, Campos is actually incapable of writing the word "KABOOM" in big, bold letters at this point.
She also thinks "destinated" is a word.
A little later, she proves herself to be perhaps forty or fifty years old by assuming that college stoners wear peace-sign necklaces, headbands and look like John Lennon if he was drawn by someone without any artistic talent.
In a few more strips she shows to be moving into territory that will later be conquered by El Goonish Shive,
Skipping a year ahead shows us that three new characters have been introduced, and it is painfully obvious that they're colour-coded for convenience. Not really our convenience, no. Campos' convenience, because nothing says "twoo wuv" like ensuring the purity of one's race by matching hair colours.
Dialogue's phrased like no Earthly conversation,
with horrendous bubble and text placement.
The font is still the same, and still as irritating...
Shitty photoshop filters, anyone? But that's just the art.
The Devil is a recurring character, and possibly the worst portrayal of said incarnation of evil that I have ever seen. Because it's not even all that evil. You see, Campos is incapable of writing sinister dialogue. The Devil speaks like he belongs on an episode of Superfriends, except he talks about souls and useless wank like that. Though I ignored the fact he was a talking cow, I still couldn't feel one iota of menace in his words. The fact of the matter is, taking away the subject in question (souls and the taking thereof), the Devil talks exactly like everyone else. Which is to say, he speaks like a college student. Except he's a cow. This is another of Campos' major failings: being unable to give her characters a proper voice.
This is a flaw... well, more of a grievous lack of talent, really... that many forever-amateur hack writers possess. All the webcomics I listed earlier as being on the same level as CRFH? They do it too. They have a whole cast of characters who talk exactly like each other, and the manner in which they talk is exactly how the webcomic jerk talks. I suppose some people can be baffled and say "But this guy is sarcastic and this guy is wacky!" But no, they're stupid, that's why they're baffled. Anyone who needs to be a particular way all the time (sarcastic, wacky, angry, etc.) in order to have a "voice" has no voice at all. A character's voice is the way that they speak and act at all times, covering a range of emotions, moods and situations. CRFH doesn't have that, and probably never will.
Anyway, like most webcomics that start off aiming for jokes, CRFH dives into drama as fast as it possibly can. Whereas mere strips ago they were doing something that may resemble humour in a dim light, the loss of Dave's soul is treated with the kind of weepy schlock-sentimentalism that you can expect from atrocious hacks like Campos. Oh no, a running gag has managed to conjure up some evil so great that this guy (who I and the reader know nothing about) is dying! A BLOO BLOO BLOO. Ugh, please. Nobody's going to be giving a shit about Dave kicking the bucket, unless they're so over-emotional they break into tears when the newsreader says "Goodnight".
Also she can't spell "negotiate" but I guess that's a mild step up from inventing words like "destinated". Webcomic jerks of the world, there are dictionaries that are online. Find one and use it. Or better yet, don't drop out of English in the fourth grade, you fucking morons.
The Devil - much as I loathe to term him, for who can seriously be afraid of a bipedal cow in a black sheet - is defeated by shotgun after some more mawkish dialogue.
CRFH is the kind of webcomic you simply can't read, unless you've been tagging along for years like some kind of sad little puppy, or you're as persistent as you are dim.
There's just drama, drama, drama everywhere you look. You've got a bunch of utterly two-dimensional characters who operate only as stupid gimmicks spouting out a lot of utterly fucking awful lines about relationships and all that crap. Campos either never watches any TV shows about teen drama, or she's just that fucking bad. I'm going for the latter.
Like a lot of hacks, she assumes that things happening to a character is equal to characterisation. Everyone gets superpowers, someone turns out to be a werewolf - sorry, werecoyote.
Because that's so fresh and interesting! Wait, no it's not. Even ignoring the fact that coyotes and wolves are so closely related they're capable of interbreeding, it's still fucking stupid as fuck. Your great idea for a big shocking backstory is to make someone a closet furry? Been. Done.
Stuff about Tangent.
What does make a deeper character? Well, knowing that character would be nice. Not all the things that happened to them a few hundred strips ago, but who they are. Stuff that makes them seem more human. Try describing any of these characters without referring to things which primarily took place in the webcomic and you'll hit a bit of a stumbling block. You'll find out that they aren't as "deep" as you though. Then take out references to physical appearance, hobbies and relationships and I guarantee you that you will not top twenty words.
The best part is that according to Wikipedia, this shit's won awards for this writing. In 2001 it managed to win Best Writing and Best Serial Comic, and in 2003 it won Outstanding Character Development. This would be a travesty... if it wasn't for the fact these are the Web Cartoonist's Choice Awards, which is just an extension of the usual simpering circlejerk that the webcomics "community" is. You never have to say anything good about yourself, simply harp on about how good everyone else is and that praise will be heaped back upon you in turn.
To demonstrate how worthless and removed from reality these awards are, let me demonstrate with some more winners. In 2001, Best Female Character went to Monique from Sinfest. A character introduced one year before. Into a gag-strip webcomic that actually is a gag-strip webcomic and not an excuse to have people cry in the rain like CRFH. Where all she did for one year is talk about boys, clothes, shopping and perhaps a few other things. For the purpose of three-panel jokes. That was the best female character that 2001 could produce, apparently.
Still not convinced? Best Reality-Based Comic of that year went to Real Life. Sure, reality-based. Despite having time-travel, giant robots, a supervillain and a variety of other shit, it's won that category again and again. But here's the nail in the coffin, folks. In 2002, Best Comic was judged to be Megatokyo. It also won Best Writing, Best Serial Comic and Best Dramatic Comic. If you won't accept the WCCA as pure shit now, you never will.
Back to CRFH and what a gigantic pile of shit it is. Let's cover a few topics simply: Campos can't draw noses (or attractive women). Campos uses too many speech bubbles (and too much retarded dialogue). Campos can't use speech bubbles properly anyway (hello talking cat). Campos thinks a cow shooting lightning is actually intimidating. Campos draws sunglasses as gaping holes into eternity where the eyes should be. Campos loves copying and pasting. A lot. Campos believes using pattern fills is fine.
In fact I could take a trundle through the whole archives and find flaws everywhere I look. I'm sure some of you are whining that flaws don't matter and it's the whole product that I should be looking at, but when all I can see in every fucking strip is flaw after flaw... that is the whole fuckin' product. I've read the vast majority of the archives, only skimming through the boring parts... okay, it's all boring, so I guess I mean the useless shit at the start that nobody cares about. But I have looked through it all, and the idea that people not only read this shit on a daily basis, but actually like it to boot... well, I probably would be more shocked if I didn't know that a lot of people who read webcomics are pretty dumb and easily entertained.
Also she can't spell "negotiate" but I guess that's a mild step up from inventing words like "destinated". Webcomic jerks of the world, there are dictionaries that are online. Find one and use it. Or better yet, don't drop out of English in the fourth grade, you fucking morons.




Roadkiller wrote:The Devil is a recurring character, and possibly the worst portrayal of said incarnation of evil that I have ever seen. Because it's not even all that evil. You see, Campos is incapable of writing sinister dialogue. The Devil speaks like he belongs on an episode of Superfriends, except he talks about souls and useless wank like that. Though I ignored the fact he was a talking cow, I still couldn't feel one iota of menace in his words. The fact of the matter is, taking away the subject in question (souls and the taking thereof), the Devil talks exactly like everyone else. Which is to say, he speaks like a college student. Except he's a cow. This is another of Campos' major failings: being unable to give her characters a proper voice.
I will say that I didn't think of the Devil as being particularly sinisterly voiced there. I thought it fit, however. To me, it seemed that he was just there to get Dave's soul and leave, like it was an errand, not to impress the mortals with his evilness. In fact, through most of CRFH, the Devil seems very nonchalant about what he's doing. That fits how I would see him better that a red skinned, horned, monologuing, completely unoriginal version of the Devil.
themunck wrote:Am I the only person in the world who reads that comic becourse I like it?
Lightice wrote:This is how we wrote in the high school paper when we were 14 years old
Were you a prodigy? I wasn't in high school at that age.
Roadkiller wrote:Actually, I was 14 my freshmen year. Most freshmen are either 15 or are 14 and turn 15 during the school year. Some are 14 through all the year due to summer birthdays (me).
Roadkiller wrote:And, obviously, people did care that Dave "died," since the only reason he was brought back was outcry from the readers.
SPark wrote:themunck wrote:Am I the only person in the world who reads that comic becourse I like it?
Nope. I find the cheesy plotlines to be highly entertaining and fun and the bad puns are hilarious.
Tangent wrote:Ah, Fletcher, I see you're doing the trolling for Solomon now.
Maritza Campos wrote:Dude, Fletcher. I was wondering if you'd come around fishing for comments for Fuego Fish. Tsk tsk. You should have covered CRFH yourself in Mary-Sue, instead of begging him to do it. Why didn't you do it yourself? Seriously.
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