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Postby svenman on Fri Oct 26, 2001 1:06 am

Great piece of writing! Stays nicely within the Avalon canon, too, unlike a lot of other fan fiction.<P>But it left me wondering about the nature of the narrator. Who/What is he/she? It appears to be a kind of invisible companion to Alison, but able to separate from her, at least briefly. Some sort of spirit, or something like a - powerless - guardian angel maybe?
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Postby silly noodle on Fri Oct 26, 2001 1:29 am

waaa that's so sad <IMG SRC="http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/kao/mamies/naki-k.gif"> . it goes really well with tae's drawing! great writing<P>[edited because i keep on spelling things wrong]<p>[This message has been edited by silly noodle (edited 10-26-2001).]
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Postby Balfegor on Fri Oct 26, 2001 2:28 am

Thank you!<P>^_^<P>-Tae
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Postby Carn_Carby on Fri Oct 26, 2001 4:24 am

Niiice, RJ Shep. That is one fine piece of writing. ^_^ w00t!<P>KN
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Postby RJ Shep on Fri Oct 26, 2001 7:50 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by svenman:
<B>Great piece of writing! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks, everbody. <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/biggrin.gif"><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>
But it left me wondering about the nature of the narrator. Who/What is he/she? It appears to be a kind of invisible companion to Alison, but able to separate from her, at least briefly. Some sort of spirit, or something like a - powerless - guardian angel maybe?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Heh! you got me! <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/wink.gif"> <P>Seriously, I began writing this piece as just a third-person study of Alison, working up to her in the Tae pic. Suddenly, I realized this was being narrated. I certainly didn't outline the narrator's "character" or anything, it just sort of happened.<P>It's a male; it's not a guardian angel per se as, as you observed, he can't <I>do</I> much.<P>He's almost like one of Pullman's daemons, but not exactly. Not everyone in Avalon would need such a companion. <P>The best I can figure, he's sort of there in case she needs him, and she knows how to ask for help...<P>I guess that makes me sound a little loopy, doesn't it? <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif">
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Postby nammyung on Fri Oct 26, 2001 8:07 am

It's Larry, obvsly. <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif">
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Postby Carn_Carby on Fri Oct 26, 2001 8:50 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B> He's almost like one of Pullman's daemons, but not exactly. Not everyone in Avalon would need such a companion. <P>The best I can figure, he's sort of there in case she needs him, and she knows how to ask for help...<P>I guess that makes me sound a little loopy, doesn't it? <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif"></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, it doesn't make you sound loopy at all. ^___^ I really liked that piece. It was written very sensitively. Wow.<P>Daemons! ^O^ Pullman...w00t.<P>KN
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Postby TheMike on Fri Oct 26, 2001 9:13 am

Ah, well, at first I thought it was a crazed stalker burning with lust and infatuation, but looking over the text I see all the subtle spirit-type hints I missed. Heh, silly me.<P>-The Mike
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Postby RJ Shep on Fri Oct 26, 2001 11:47 am

For Tae Jensen...<P><B>SIC TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI</B><P>She silently packs her books into her plain olive book bag after the bell rings. The same as every day, she follows her classmates from the room. She seldom speaks. The other girls of her class happily gab of afternoon plans, dates for the evening, other inconsequential minutiae. But not Alison.<P>She marches to her locker with a guarded, yet flattering pace. I know I should be more objective. I try. My... heart(?) sinks as I watch her yet again replace the math, English and history with the thick and dismal texts she gets from the library every week. She closes the locker, gives the dial a spin. Just the same as the many days before.<P>The pretty brunette, Ceilidh and the boy, Joseph approach her in the hall. I hope, yet again...<P>"Hey, Alison!" Ah! A flicker of interest... "We're getting together at my house tonight. Y'know, play some pool, drink some Barq's. You coming?" The flicker lives, brightens... then, dies.<P>"I'm working tonight, some other time." My hope dies as well. Not for the first time. She strides away from her friends. They were such a strong influence once; but the influence has waned so since the two started dating. Though it causes me discomfort, I let Alison walk ahead, as I briefly stay behind to listen to her friends.<P>Ceilidh storms at Joseph. The passionate fierceness in her eyes is a treasure. Oh, but it is too soon, too much yet to wish for... "I thought your Ma was to give her some time off ?"<P>Joseph winces. "She was... She will... I mean, she tries!"<P>"Well, you better not forget to invite her to watch hockey tomorrow, Mister!"<P>The pair continue on their own way. If she knew the hurt she causes them, would she... but that is impossible. Too easy is it to control, manipulate. Choices must be freely made. <I>Genuine</I> choices.<P>The separation becomes too much to bear, and I hurry to return to Alison. Finding her is never a question- she has followed the same stale routine for months. She has changed from her uniform to jeans and sweater. The white one tonight. She grabs her book bag, despite my urgent, silent pleas...<P>Fifteen minutes later, she strides into Hildegard's. For anyone else, it is a pleasant, cheerful place; full of life and company. Alison makes a tomb of it. Hildegard herself is behind the counter. Another, fine, strong woman. I envy and pity Joseph; with two such powerful women in his life, his will be... interesting, to say the least. Hildegard looks perturbed, but not surprised, to see her employee. Her sorrow is palpable. I know she is close to speaking to the girl directly.<P>Alison dons the green apron and perches on the stool. She swiftly completes her assigned homework. Hildegard shares my dismay to see the thick books emerge from the olive book bag. The two share few words. I know Hildegard's feelings for the girl are torn between gratitude, concern, and guilt. Gratitude for the indispensable help Alison provided getting the Cafe operating; concern and guilt that her reliance on that help has been partly responsible for Alison's withdrawal into herself.<P>Hildegard leaves after awhile, to make dinner for Joseph. Alison perfunctorily dispenses coffee and provender to the patrons. The rest of her attentions focus on the abominable volumes. How I have grown to loathe them! They feed her misplaced pride, swell the delusions of superiority she uses to shut herself off. She brushes off the young men who come still daily to flirt and strut for her. She chooses yet again the desiccated words of the dead old scholars, because they are <I>safer</I>. I worry about how many days remain before the charming young men stop coming.<P>She stays late, again. Until after eight. She leaves the "OPEN" sign in the window, to justify her presence. But it is the silence, the solitude she seeks here. She does not know that it will slowly fossilize her once young heart. Yet each day, she passes by the opportunities to live her life truly. And each day, a little of me dies...<P> Fin<P><p>[This message has been edited by RJ Shep (edited 10-29-2001).]
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Postby Nick Pavlovski on Sat Oct 27, 2001 4:37 am

Having just watched "Omishi Magical Theatre" at our anime club screening yesterday, I thought it was a shinigami...<P>Good to see another ficcer around the place!
I really enjoyed this, because I've read other stuff like it and can't write in this style myself!
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Postby Symok on Sat Oct 27, 2001 5:10 am

Wow. Very nice piece of writing <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif"> Fits Alison very well indeed <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif"><P>
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Postby RJ Shep on Sat Oct 27, 2001 6:20 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nick Pavlovski:
<B>Having just watched "Omishi Magical Theatre" at our anime club screening yesterday, I thought it was a shinigami...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm woefully under-educated when it comes to anime- shinigami?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>
Good to see another ficcer around the place!
I really enjoyed this, because I've read other stuff like it and can't write in this style myself!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks! I loved "Day in the life of Damonk" myself. <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif">
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Postby screamingprincess on Sat Oct 27, 2001 11:19 am

Have you written anything else like this? I'd love to read more... <P>------------------
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. Well, I scream for more than that, but you get the idea.
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Postby svenman on Mon Oct 29, 2001 7:09 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B>It's a male; it's not a guardian angel per se as, as you observed, he can't <I>do</I> much.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Can't he, really? Actually, the bit about
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>To easy is it to control, manipulate. Choices must be freely made. Genuine choices.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
suggests to me that our apparent spirit <I>could</I> in fact exert some influence on either Alison or some of the other "physical" Avalonites, but <I>chooses</I> not to, because he recognizes (from experience, maybe?) that this course of action would in the end not lead to any real benefit to Alison.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B>He's almost like one of Pullman's daemons, but not exactly. Not everyone in Avalon would need such a companion. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Who is Pullman?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B>The best I can figure, he's sort of there in case she needs him, and she knows how to ask for help...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't see any real contradiction here to his being a sort of guardian-angel-like being. And when I say "guardian angel", I don't necessarily mean a concept closely conforming to Christian tradition.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B>I guess that makes me sound a little loopy, doesn't it? <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif"></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>To me, it sounds as if you've had an experience of the phenomenon called inspiration, maybe?
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Postby Drakvl on Mon Oct 29, 2001 7:32 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
<B>
The best I can figure, he's sort of there in case she needs him, and she knows how to ask for help...</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Heh. "Goblin King, Goblin King, wherever you may be! Take this child of mine far away from me!"
"That's not it! Where'd she learn that rubbish? It doesn't even start with 'I wish'!"
"Oh, Toby, stop it! I wish I did know what to say."
"'I wish the goblins would come take you away right now'!"
"I wish . . . I wish . . ."
"Did she say it?"
"Shut up! Shut up!"
"I wish the goblins *would* come take you away--*pause, walks out the door*--right now!"<P>Also, your story contains the phrase "to easy is it to control"--shouldn't that be "too easy" etc.?<P>QotD: the last line in the above excerpt from _Labyrinth_
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Postby Drakvl on Mon Oct 29, 2001 7:38 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by svenman:
<B>It appears to be a kind of invisible companion to Alison, but able to separate from her, at least briefly. Some sort of spirit, or something like a - powerless - guardian angel maybe?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That reminds me of a short story a friend of mine published (in the school mag thing, at least)--it was about a teen who fell in love with her imaginary friend.
And, Delilah, if you're here, please forgive me if I've said too much!<P>QotD: see above<P>--O-a in LA
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Postby RJ Shep on Mon Oct 29, 2001 7:44 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by svenman:
<B> Can't he, really? Actually, the bit about<P></B>To easy is it to control, manipulate. Choices must be freely made. Genuine choices.<B><P>suggests to me that our apparent spirit could in fact exert some influence on either Alison or some of the other "physical" Avalonites, but chooses not to, because he recognizes (from experience, maybe?) that this course of action would in the end not lead to any real benefit to Alison.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yeah, actually that sounds right.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>
Who is Pullman?
</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sorry. Phillip Pullman. Wrote "His dark Materials" trilogy (The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, The Amber Spyglass). Good reading.<P>
As for being touched by inspiration, that's putting it mildly! <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif">
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Postby RJ Shep on Mon Oct 29, 2001 7:56 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Drakvl:
<B> Also, your story contains the phrase "to easy is it to control"--shouldn't that be "too easy" etc.?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Um, yeah. Thanks (fixed). <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/smile.gif"><P>Heh! Labyrinth Rules! <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/biggrin.gif"><P>"That's not <I>fair</I>!"<P>"You say that so often. I wonder what your basis for comparison is..."
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Postby Eyeless Blond on Mon Oct 29, 2001 10:47 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RJ Shep:
[BIt's a male; it's not a guardian angel per se as, as you observed, he can't <I>do</I> much.<P>He's almost like one of Pullman's daemons, but not exactly. Not everyone in Avalon would need such a companion. <P>The best I can figure, he's sort of there in case she needs him, and she knows how to ask for help...[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know, before you said this I had the idea that it might be Alison herself. The first clue was in: "To easy is it to control, manipulate. Choices must be freely made. Genuine choices." That just sounded <I>sooo</I> much like what Alison herself would think. And then there was, "And each day, a little of me dies..." at the end, which just seemed to drive the point home even further.<P>Then again, maybe I'm just not thinking clearly here.
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Postby RJ Shep on Mon Oct 29, 2001 11:25 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Eyeless Blond:
<B> You know, before you said this I had the idea that it might be Alison herself. The first clue was in: "To easy is it to control, manipulate. Choices must be freely made. Genuine choices." That just sounded <I>sooo</I> much like what Alison herself would think. And then there was, "And each day, a little of me dies..." at the end, which just seemed to drive the point home even further.<P>Then again, maybe I'm just not thinking clearly here.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, that's why I mentioned Pullman. in HDM, a person's Daemon is 1/3 their total being. In our world, they are unseen- that little voice you hear when you are about to, say, make a decision you know is bad.<P>In the first book, however, the protagonist comes from a world where the Daemons are external, forming an animal shaped familiar that can be spoken to. They are most often the opposite sex of the person (animus/anima? sorry, that's from Jung).<P>I didn't <I>intentionally</I> 'borrow' that concept- I didn't plan for there to be a narrator at all. But I did just read the books 2 months ago, so they were floating around my subconscious...
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Postby RJ Shep on Mon Oct 29, 2001 11:41 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Eyeless Blond:
[BThen again, maybe I'm just not thinking clearly here.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Heh! If anyone's not thinking clearly, it's me! <IMG SRC="http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/wink.gif">
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Postby Nick Pavlovski on Tue Oct 30, 2001 3:13 am

Shinigami - a spirit of death.<P>Think of a miniature "Grim Reaper".<P>Although in the anime, she looks more like a witch with a leather fetish - her scythe is pretty nasty though!<P>Omishi Magical Theatre freaked me a little bit - I don't get much out of anime featuring young-age characters and nasty edged topics like suicide. But I'll givve it a few more episodes (each episode is only 7-9 mins long).<P>"Day in the life of Damonk" - it hurt to stop, but I experienced a change in i-net circumstances, couldn't update every nite, just once every 2 weeks or so, and so got out of the flow.
Glad you liked it - I like writing humour, but I hit a real slump towards the end. It was either leave it as it was or sour it.
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Postby RJ Shep on Fri Nov 02, 2001 3:09 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Nick Pavlovski:
<B>Shinigami - a spirit of death.
</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wow, now that you say that, I see I <I>did</I> use "death" words more than once.<P>Hopefully, this H'ween party will work as well for Alison as "Operation-Cheer-Up-Phoebe" did.<P>Alison is the character I was most like in HS...
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