Tale of the SS Writer's Pen Chapter 2 7/19

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Tale of the SS Writer's Pen Chapter 2 7/19

Postby KylenPhylar on Fri Jun 29, 2007 7:32 pm

Yep. I'm trying the ForumFic again. Different scene this time, but I'm not saying what. And if I can find a place for you, then you'll get one. No amount of bribery, terrorism, or otherwise will get you in with out it.

Granted, I'm going to take the night, and maybe a few more days, to get the first chapter written up, so that it's decent. Consider this my place holder.

If you can't tell, this is a Space Drama-esque story, but not all of it will be drama.
Last edited by KylenPhylar on Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Grim Atescu on Fri Jun 29, 2007 8:27 pm

Ooh... Looks to be an interesting idea...
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Re: Tale of the Space Ship Writer's Pen.

Postby Teleros on Sat Jun 30, 2007 2:44 am

KylenPhylar wrote:No amount of bribery, terrorism, or otherwise will get you in with out it.

Hmm, I was thinking more of smooth-talking my way in than anything, but hey ;) .

On a more serious note, I don't mind too much if I / my characters don't make it in, but if you want any help (esp. on technical stuff or the background universe) I'd be glad to help :) .
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Re: Tale of the Space Ship Writer's Pen.

Postby OzLionHeart on Sat Jun 30, 2007 3:59 am

KylenPhylar wrote:No amount of bribery, terrorism, or otherwise will get you in with out it.


How about flattery? You haven't mentioned that at all... :P
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Re: Tale of the Space Ship Writer's Pen.

Postby Dayantis on Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:25 am

OzLionHeart wrote:
KylenPhylar wrote:No amount of bribery, terrorism, or otherwise will get you in with out it.


How about flattery? You haven't mentioned that at all... :P


Nor has sexual favours been mentioned... :shifty:
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Postby OzLionHeart on Sat Jun 30, 2007 9:37 am

I think sexual favours would probably count as bribery.
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Postby ThatCanadianDude on Sat Jun 30, 2007 10:41 am

Or in your case, terrorism...
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Postby KylenPhylar on Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:24 pm

Chapter 1 - Opening Ceremonies, Part One.

The band was playing a light sea shanty as people, passengers, crew, and family gathered. It was the celebration of a brand new ship, The Writer's Pen, a Whackamole class Colony/Defense cruiser, one of only two made thus far. Lead by Captain Atashi Cloud, The Writer's Pen was designed to be self sustaining, lasting as long as the hull and engines were kept in decent condition. Nested in it's bays were the longest ranged self-sustaining communication satellites and a squadron of fighters to help the main entourage, consisting of two Valgaav class destroyers, The Ajac's Sword and The Dan's Hammer, and a large Akara class Carrier named The Tedd's Ray, protect the Writer's Pen from any dangers they may find.

Also in attendance were representatives of the Tol'thor, a friendly alien humanoid race, sporting everything from wings to feline features. In agreement with them for help with various maps and technologies, The Writer's Pen would bring several nobles and scientific personal for the voyage. Among them was Lady Ten, of the winged Akir House. Standing on the stage, it was obvious she was to be head Technology Officer, being revered as a leading mind in the scientific community, having pioneered many AI programs. She stood next to Captain Cloud, as Admiral Logan Berk called the band to order, hushing the crowd.

"Ladies, gentlemen, nobles, families, crew. We gather today to say farewell to the brave people who leave us today to search the galaxy, meet new species, cultures, and scientists." the Admiral began, looking regal. "We say farewell, due to the length of space and time that will soon separate us. Their mission will take them far enough, that if they were to return past a point in the Tol'thor's galaxy, time will have moved ten or more years, where only 2 or less would have passed on the Pen. Due to this, they have orders to keep flying, to find new planets, drop relay satellites, and to colonize a new, empty planet, to give start to a new generation. True, one day we will have the technology to connect the two worlds in seconds, but those days are far off in the distance.

"Today is for passengers and crew to say good buy to their loved ones, possibly for good. Though they carry long range equipment, we have no clue how long reports and news will take to carry those light years that will soon separate us, once pass the Tol'Thor System. Now before someone drifts off, or I am called an old windbag, I shall ask you to carry on, and may The Great Blue Haired One watch over this ship." he finished, sitting down. Everyone applauded, cheering after the speech.

Atashi scooted over, smiling. "Nice speech, Sir." he said, leaning back slightly.

"Thank you, Atashi. It's hard to let you go like this, you know. Always have been one of my best captains." Berk said, sighing. "I'm sixty next month, you know. I'm won't be around much longer, with my conditions."

"I know that, Berk. I need to do this" Atashi replied gently, looking to the sky. "This planet of ours is great, but I've seen and done everything offered here. I need to get away. My parents are dead, and I'm an only child. I never knew the rest of my family well."

"Well I think it's a great thing you are doing, Captain Cloud." Ten said, smiling gently at the pair, her wings folded comfortably behind her. "Leaving everything you know to explore new worlds..." she said, looking at the crowd. "It's amazing what you humans are capable of. Able to survive so much, and both adapt yourselves and the area to help survival rates." she mused.

It was then that Grim Atescu, Son of the leader of the Qoiyakha Garim House came forward. Bowing, Grim came up to Ten, whispered something, and then stood.

"I'm needed for some final system checks onboard. If you will exuse me." she said, standing as the other two also stood and bowed. Ten headed off to the ship, going straight to the bridge, pressing some buttons, and turning to a console.

"Hello Lady Ten." said a figure as it appeared on top of the console, using a projection system.

"Hello Cameo." the scientist said, taping some buttons. "Ready for the final system checks?"

Cameo nodded. "Ready and willing, and after that, will you have a sprite body for me? As much as I love this computer, I'd like to be in the real world for a bit..." she said, slightly sad.

Ten smiled. "Of course. It's waiting now. We just need to finish these checks, and you'll be all set to download into it." she said. "Even Emma is getting one." she said, as Cameo started moving panels and hitting her own buttons, smiling at the idea. "I thought it would be nice to keep sisters together."

"Thank you." was all the program said as she continued the checks.
Last edited by KylenPhylar on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Grim Atescu on Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:34 pm

Ooh... Need more, please write more soon.
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Postby KylenPhylar on Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:50 pm

Reviews help stimulate me to update more often, if you feel like bribing.
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Postby Grim Atescu on Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:51 pm

I shall only bribe you if you bribe me by posting in my story's topic. Mwahaha...
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Postby Yun on Sat Jun 30, 2007 7:55 pm

Noticeable improvement over KeenSchool. I like it so far, but could you please stop cutting off your posts in mid-scene. That's a bit annoying.
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Postby 10.0.0.1 on Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:07 pm

Nice setup, the dialogue between the characters flows well. nice ship names, might have to put Viv to work on a diagram or 2.
A bit more on the end would have been nice to see Cameo more but I am sure we will see more of her soon enough.

Ok might not be the most grown up thing but I have to do it *squeals* I get wings *flies around*
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Postby KylenPhylar on Sat Jun 30, 2007 8:31 pm

Yeah..I would have put more on, but it just seemed right to stop there. >> << I will try not to cut off int he middle of a scene next chappy.
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Postby Cameo on Sat Jun 30, 2007 10:32 pm

*nod* I agree, the mid-scene cutoff is annoying. You had a nice flow going there, and then it just sorta... stopped.

Overall, it could use some polishing and some grammar-checking (for example: 2 for "two", and misplaced commas), but it's still pretty good and a definite improvement over KeenSchool.
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Postby OzLionHeart on Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:15 am

'Tis good so far, but I agree with the cutting-off-in-mid-scene complaint that the others have expressed.

Also, the Tol'thor are "....sporting everything from wings to line features." Is that a typo?

The rest is good so far. Keep it up.

*sits back to await the next part*
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Postby davecom3 on Sun Jul 01, 2007 1:28 am

We can already guess he'll want at least the Professor as a science officer, and a few engineers. Dave and Debra would apply for those types of positions...
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Postby Teleros on Sun Jul 01, 2007 2:47 am

Nice introduction to the story there Kylen - looking forwards to reading more of it :) .

Be happy to help out with the techie stuff as well, or hell even general running of the ship. Executive Officer or Quartermaster perhaps?

and a large Akara class Carrier named The Tedd's Ray, protect the Writer's Pen
...
...
I'm won't be around much longer

Another couple of typos I noticed whilst reading BTW.
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Postby Amon Star on Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:26 am

A good start to be sure. Also, I like the mid scene cut-off thing. It makes it dramatic. But everyone is different.

I like the premiss you are going with. Sci-fi, but relatively low-tech. You don't see that much, which is a shame, because it's normally the best.

Looking forward to next Chapter. :)
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Postby Teleros on Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:40 am

Sounds closer to hard sci-fi (ie no FTL etc) actually :) . Have to read more to see whether it actually is or not of course.
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Postby A Fan on Sun Jul 01, 2007 6:39 am

Looks promising. I greatly anticipate upcoming chapters. I also acknowledge that the odds of my inclusion are slim to nil.
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Postby KylenPhylar on Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:08 pm

Edit up to Chapter one. Expect Chapter 2 before the end of the month.
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Postby 10.0.0.1 on Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:46 pm

Nice addition. Emma with a body *shutters* spooky I tell you, I feel sorry for anyone that ticks her off. those of you that know her get why, those that don
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BinaryWraith (Steph from classmates): That was wierd. Not 'sweet transvestite' wierd, more 'sitting in a belltower with a rifle, singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"' wierd.
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Jonixlord: Does it bother anyone that a girl RPing a guy is getting into a relationship with a guy RPing a girl? just curious.
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Postby KylenPhylar on Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:57 pm

Chapter Two

Launch of a New Age

While the good Lady Ten and her CAMEO-S program finished up checks on the ship's systems, another person was finishing checks on his personal craft.

"Weapons, loaded. Engines, fueled and triple checked. Seat in favorite position, check. All's good." Teleros Jinki said, climbing out of one of the fighters. As one of the best engineers on the ship and the most experienced with the medium Shive class fighters, Teleros was god in the hanger. No one left with out his approval. "Man, I still can't believe I got Chief Hanger Engineer." he told his friend and second-in-command, Arthur Fandron.

"Yeah. But everyone knows that you are like living duct tape with the Shive fighters, Jink." Fandron said, leaning on a nearby wall. "Just be happy that they didn't go with that other guy...Nova something or other." Teleros nodded, climbing down the ladder to the floor.

"Well, we have just one more ship to check...though I don't want to do it until he gets here. You know how particular he is about ANYONE touching his ship." Jinki said, looking about. "Where is he, he's late!" the largeish man huffed, being impatient.

"Waiting for your large butt to finish with Dayantis's fighter." a voice said from the wing of the ship, smirking at them as he jumped down.

Teleros chuckled. "Phylar you jerk. Don't do that. You know I don't like being held up." he said, jogging over. "I hope you have your configurations, mister hotshot."

"That's Mister Hotshot Squad Leader to you." Kylen joked, clapping the man on the back. "I may only be half Tol'thor, but I know I need my ship, and my team in top condition. I trust you, as I got to go to the orientation room and find out who's in my squad." the wolf eared man says, racing off.

Arthur shook his head. "He's cocky, but he knows what's important." the slight man said, getting under the modified Shive fighter. Teleros just nodded, opening a panel and checking the wiring.

-----------

Okay, time for some author notes!

CAMEO-S = Computerized Artificial Mental Emulation Operating System

Shive Figther = The middle ground. has the Movement and control of a light fighter, but the armor and firepower of a bomber.

I will be Editing chapter 1 tonight for errors you guys pointed out for me, but enjoy.[/i]
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Postby Author-Man on Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:09 pm

*pokes head in* Oooh, sci-fi! Me likey!
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