New here, Can I pick my own weapon?

When science-fiction meets comedy in a dark spaceport, somebody is going to pull out a plasma cannon and settle the matter...

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New here, Can I pick my own weapon?

Postby TheBane42 on Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:51 pm

Have been a loyal reader for about 3 years now, always perused the forums when I had time but never registered until recently.

If allowed to choose my own weapon of mass destruction, I would like to keep it simple, you know, materials I can get on my own.

Quite simple:

1. Take 1 cat (I have 2, and friends with dozens more, no prob here).
2. Toast 1 piece of bread (or have a fabber make it, they look to be able to handle that readily).
3. Butter toast according to personal preference.
4. Affix buttered toast to cats back, buttered side up (tied with string, no problem, maybe a nice velcro system, for ease in placing in safe mode).

This will, of course, create the ultimate WMD.
Cats ALWAYS land on their feet.
Buttered toast ALWAYS lands buttered side down.

I can only guess at the SHEER DESTRUCTIVE POWER as the fabric of space and time are torn apart if this weapon were ever used.

So if at all possible, let me know about choosing my own weapon... or i may have to use the one I have assembled. :o

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Postby el_jefe on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:01 pm

Sounds okay to me, but then, I am new here to. However, you need to come up with a cool name for it.

*surrounded by the alien horde, Bane42 stands defiently, whirling his freshly buttered cat above his head*

See what I mean? It needs to be something awe (or fear) inspiring.
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Postby The Clockwork Soldier on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:02 pm

Heres 100 gallons of jellied gasoline and a pressure sprayer,
NOW FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN, PUT THE TOAST DOWN!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US ALL?!?!
They say in the movies "cut the red wire, cut the blue wire, cut the yellow wire". well guess what? all my wires are green. your move, copper.
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:04 pm

Cats don't always land on their feet.

Food only lands on the good side down when you intend to eat it, since you are in effect trying to use it's probability as a weapon, said probability vanishs.

I suggest you stay away from probability based weapons, they have a habit of simply making things wierder.

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Postby TheBane42 on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:08 pm

True, I hadnt considered a name, I was blinded by the madness of such a powerful weapon.

I shall call it....

The Universal Shredder


Very appropriate, since my cats have their claws still.

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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:11 pm

See, my cat would have clawed me to death at "attach toast to cat" stage. I guess that't a weapon, though.
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:15 pm

Then I guess stapling the cat to the ceiling is entirely out of the question.

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Re: New here, Can I pick my own weapon?

Postby Richv on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:17 pm

TheBane42 wrote:Have been a loyal reader for about 3 years now, always perused the forums when I had time but never registered until recently.

If allowed to choose my own weapon of mass destruction, I would like to keep it simple, you know, materials I can get on my own.

Quite simple:

1. Take 1 cat (I have 2, and friends with dozens more, no prob here).
2. Toast 1 piece of bread (or have a fabber make it, they look to be able to handle that readily).
3. Butter toast according to personal preference.
4. Affix buttered toast to cats back, buttered side up (tied with string, no problem, maybe a nice velcro system, for ease in placing in safe mode).

This will, of course, create the ultimate WMD.
Cats ALWAYS land on their feet.
Buttered toast ALWAYS lands buttered side down.

I can only guess at the SHEER DESTRUCTIVE POWER as the fabric of space and time are torn apart if this weapon were ever used.

So if at all possible, let me know about choosing my own weapon... or i may have to use the one I have assembled. :o

TheBane42


This is actually an adaptation of the original Schroedinger's cat problem. In this situation, the cat/toast system hovers between the two quantum states of feet-down and butter-down without ever collapsing. Logically, since the wave equation cannot collapse in either state (they are mutally exclusinve and mutually required) so the cat/toast system would simply hover in place. I don't see any requirement that it would affect space-time. On the other hand. If you took this combination, soaked it with gasoline, ignited it, and launched it from a trebuchet, we're probably talking super-nuclear yields here.
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Postby The Clockwork Soldier on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:17 pm

Oh, why didnt he just take the flamethrower? We're doomed!
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:20 pm

See? Wierder. Just mentioning it caused us to be inundated with engineers.

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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:21 pm

Shoot him and his cats with the cannon! Just kidding.
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Postby The Clockwork Soldier on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:23 pm

Oh. You were? Shit.

Umm, I gotta go for a second, I'll be right back.

*runs*
"WHERES THE NEAREST PET SHOP!?!?"
They say in the movies "cut the red wire, cut the blue wire, cut the yellow wire". well guess what? all my wires are green. your move, copper.
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Re: New here, Can I pick my own weapon?

Postby el_jefe on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:24 pm

Richv wrote:If you took this combination, soaked it with gasoline, ignited it, and launched it from a trebuchet, we're probably talking super-nuclear yields here.


See what I mean about the name thing? Trebuchet, despite being french, sounds cool. And is actually one of the funner ways to launch cats. However, as cats tend to loss the ability to land on there feet when falling more than 16 feet, is probably not the best platform for this weapon.
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:24 pm

You shouldn't joke about shooting cats from cannons.

Some of us take it very seriously.

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Postby The Clockwork Soldier on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:28 pm

I still say that the flamethrower is way cooler than ther trebuchet. I mean, someone, somewhere had to say "Boy, I sure would love to set that guy on fire, but I'm just not sure I'm close enought to get the job done."

I mean, it throws FLAME fer gods sake! What could be cooler than flame?!?


Oh, and yes I have been listening to too much George Carlin, why do you ask?
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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:29 pm

eeeeeek! Don't shoot the cats at me!!!!
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:30 pm

Where does Carlin fit into this?

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Postby el_jefe on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:31 pm

HTRN wrote:Where does Carlin fit into this?

HTRN


In between the toast and the cat. . . .
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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:32 pm

Well, he had a cat. How's that?
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:35 pm

I say we douse the toast, cat and George Carlin with Gasoline and set all three of them on fire.

At least we can get rid of Carlin.

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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:38 pm

I like Carlin. Sorry you don't, but if you kill him, I will find you and execute you. And it will hurt.
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:44 pm

Get in line.

Consider it a Mercy killing.

The mercy would be for everybody whose ever heard one of his lame jokes.

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Postby The Clockwork Soldier on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:44 pm

BLASPHEMER!! YOU SHALL PAY!!
*grabs jury rigged flamethrower, torches HTRN, smiles and listens to the screams*
*Gets about 4 seconds of screams from HTRN before the flamethrower he is carrying explodes*
"AAAAAAAAEIIIEEEE!!! THE GOGGLES!! THEY DO NOTHING!!!!
They say in the movies "cut the red wire, cut the blue wire, cut the yellow wire". well guess what? all my wires are green. your move, copper.
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Postby HTRN on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:45 pm

HA! I wear Nomex underwear!

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Postby ringergirl on Fri Dec 03, 2004 9:45 pm

He's pro gun and pro meat, and you of all people are against him. He's vulgar and you are against him. Geez, what are we going to do with you.
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