that's easy!! you'd just put a piece of gold on a fishing hook, then when he goes to steal it his hook'll get caught on his hand hook and he wont be able to move...
so funny, i was pretending to be a pirate just today, then i read about the shower pirates and i was like wow.. totally on the same wave lenght!!
In chat (btw, hem hem, haven't seen you there in ages) I sometimes randomly fling chat poo at people. It keeps things lively, and reminds them that I am, after all, a monkey.