Common Teenage Angsty Problem (advice is still nice, though)

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Common Teenage Angsty Problem (advice is still nice, though)

Postby Nowhere Man on Wed Feb 02, 2005 7:30 pm

righto.

There's a girl, Ashley(the whole story gets kind of confusing, so i'll name her.) I like her, and I told a mutual friend, Katie. Me, Ashley, and Katie were all over at Katies's house with another friend. In her room, Katie asks me if she can ask Ashley something about what I told Katie. I say sure (in hindsight, this was probably a bad idea), and Katie tells Ashley that I like her. This would be fine, and it was fine for the rest of the day.

Well, I go into school on monday, and Ashley is kind of cold and distant to me, but perfectly fine with the other people.

Before Ashley knew that I liked her, we were good friends, screwing around in class, notes and joking and whatnot. Not anymore, she doesn't talk to me, and when she does it's when I ask her a question on schoolwork or something, and it's just a one or two word answer. Now, it's like she thinks that because I like her, I'm gonna go all crazy stalker-ey, and I'm just wondering what the hell I did. :oops:

Yeah, if anyone has any advice, or anything, I'd appreciate the advice.

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Postby Fhqwhgads on Wed Feb 02, 2005 8:39 pm

Oh me! *raises hand, jumps around wildly*

Er, maybe not. This would have to qualify as "anything" not "advice".

But I can certainly empathize 'cause the exact same thing happened to me. 'Course this was maybe 7th grade. So maybe not exactly the same.

And I was like this huge loser all through grade school & high school too, (no comments please) and apparently to be somebody that was liked by me was a terrible stigma to labor under. At least according to these three girls that always hung out together, one of whom I liked.

Aaand the girl in question never spoke to me again.

Ever.

So, um, maybe that wasn't so helpful after all, sorry. :P
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Postby Tanukitsune on Wed Feb 02, 2005 11:03 pm

I'm not the best person to ask advice to, but you can learn from my BIG mistakes...
When I was younger I feel in love way too easily and usually had a crush on more than one girl...
-Once a friend asked me if I liked a girl (which I did), but I said no, becuase I was going shopping with another girl who offered to help me buy a present for my mother.... For some strange reason I thought I'd be two timing if I said yes...

-I once had the most rotten luck, I had a crush on two girls, who were my friends, and they both asked me if I liked the other girl, they were just helping me out, but I don't hink they liked it when they found out that I had a crush on both on them... :P

I think your friend might of thought you just hanged with her in hopes of "getting some", if you were friends and you liked her after becoming friends maybe you should tell her? :-?
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Postby The_Stalker on Wed Feb 02, 2005 11:19 pm

Which is more important to you honestly, her as a friend or her as your crush? Be honest with yourself first, then with her. Sometimes people can be stupid and it does hurt, but maybe she will understand and things can go back to normal, or better...
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Postby MrEff on Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:32 am

Just explain it out to her.... if she really was as good of a friend as you say she was then she'll listen... if she doesn't then you weren't meant to be friends or otherwise.... If she's not into having a relationship with you then you need to accept it and help make her feel more comfortable about the whole"just friends" thing.... This happened to me awhile ago with a really good friend of mine that I "fell in love with" She didn't talk to me for the longest time... and we used to be really good friends.... well we sat down hashed it out and now we're still really good friends..... I'm in a loving relationship now and she's married with a beautiful daughter.... so there is hope....!


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Postby Van Douchebag on Thu Feb 03, 2005 10:22 am

Dude, lemme put it this way... you're young and single. That's a good thing.

I've had fucked up relationship after fucked up relationship; with everything from the girl cheating on me, to me being the other guy (One of three. Hoo boy... love, uh, square.), to girls that are just plain annoying because they're so needy.

Here's some advice - try to stay outta relationships as much as possible. It'll take you years till you can figure it out right. I'll be nineteen in 3 weeks, and I'm still clueless on how to make relationships work.
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Postby Ryalyn on Thu Feb 03, 2005 10:37 am

I turn 25 this month and I'm still working on it. It's not a simple puzzle. And from what I can see from the married people around me, it doesn't get any easier even when you're married.

I've always been a big believer in this thing called communication, but I find it's best applied when used with the person I'm struggling against. Meaning, have you asked her straight up: "What's up with you?"? It might get the ball rolling to getting things straightned out again.

Just a thought.
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Postby Nowhere Man on Thu Feb 03, 2005 4:29 pm

Van Douchebag wrote:Dude, lemme put it this way... you're young and single. That's a good thing.

I've had fucked up relationship after fucked up relationship; with everything from the girl cheating on me, to me being the other guy (One of three. Hoo boy... love, uh, square.), to girls that are just plain annoying because they're so needy.

Here's some advice - try to stay outta relationships as much as possible. It'll take you years till you can figure it out right. I'll be nineteen in 3 weeks, and I'm still clueless on how to make relationships work.


The thing is, I'm the kind of person who would rather be in a meh relationship than be single.

Well, I went to school today and it was just like it was before she knew I liked her. I'm not entirely sure what happened... actually, I have no idea what happened, but now it's back to normal, what the hell? I don't know what happened, but I'm gonna ask her out when we're all out after school on friday. And if it fucks up, well, *shrug* I'm young, there are other fish in the sea, as they say.

EDIT: Thanks for the advice though, all. I might just ask her what's been going on instead.
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Postby daringarlyn353x on Thu Feb 03, 2005 9:48 pm

time would come when all the hormone overload is gone that our teenage angst would be somethng that we'd be laughing about!
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Postby MrEff on Fri Feb 04, 2005 4:43 am

Ryalyn wrote:I turn 25 this month


When Ryalyn? I turn 25 on the seventh..... scary times....


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Postby Ryalyn on Fri Feb 04, 2005 6:03 am

The 20th. :)

Happy birthday!!
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Postby ajax on Fri Feb 04, 2005 7:43 am

Van Douchebag wrote:Dude, lemme put it this way... you're young and single. That's a good thing.

*snip*

Here's some advice - try to stay outta relationships as much as possible. It'll take you years till you can figure it out right. I'll be nineteen in 3 weeks, and I'm still clueless on how to make relationships work.


Hey, I'm over twice as old as you young whippersnappers and it isn't any clearer to me than to you. There's someone on the Wapsi forum whose signature is "between women and God, I'm having a fit!" You can change "women" to "relationships" for a more inclusive version, since it's evident that the difficulty is mutual.

I personally never understood the seemingly petty jealousies that so animated the lives of school girls (and some well into their 20s). My only recourse was to ignore them, since I couldn't do anything about their reactions to what someone else did or didn't do. It was too complicated for a simple male mind.

It helps to have some idea of what you're going for in a relationship. A men's group I belonged to for a while had the concept that there were two kinds of relationship -- short-term recreational, and long-term committed. At least for guys, the principal relationship type is recreational -- that's just the way young men are wired. But there comes a time when the committed relationship is what he seeks. Neither kind is good or bad, but both parties must be clear that this is the kind of relationship they're in (or entering). Communication is key. I found that when dating if I could convey what I was up to, and learn what she was in it for, the relationship went along better. If we were at cross purposes, then it was much better to learn about it early on and avoid the big crash later. A key point is that the short-term recreational relationship probably can't be turned into a long-term committed one without complete up-front and honest buy-in from both parties. That's pretty rare, alas.

But you can't give up on relationships. Practice, practice, practice. If you discern a pattern you don't like, change something. There are people and organizations that can help in freeing you up from hidden patterns and unconcealing the loving and loveable you.

Whew! Enough pontificating!

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Postby JiveBlues on Sat Mar 26, 2005 8:12 am

Van Douchebag wrote:Here's some advice - try to stay outta relationships as much as possible. It'll take you years till you can figure it out right. I'll be nineteen in 3 weeks, and I'm still clueless on how to make relationships work.


While I agree that relationships are difficult, I wouldn't advise staying out of relationships. That is being rather hypocritical, since I've only had a couple myself, but one thing I've discovered is that it is being in relationships help us build strategies and knoweldge in how to approach situations in other relationships later on. If you avoid relationships completely, you'll never have the tools you need.

And if nothing else, by staying in relationships you'll have some really good stories to tell later on in life. :D
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Postby Rubio on Mon Mar 28, 2005 5:56 am

Yeah... many of them belonging to the "cautionary tale" category of things.

Still, if ya don't try, you'll never get it right.
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Postby Ryalyn on Mon Mar 28, 2005 11:13 am

Is Nowhere Man still around? I don't see any posts from him for a month.

Peers around.

I wonder how this situation turned out.
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