Telling my problems to the bar tender

Grab a scotch, Guinness or your favorite bottled water, put your feet up and relax. This is the Off-topic pub for the Wapsi fans. Cigar smoking is allowed.

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Postby kinako mochi on Thu Feb 17, 2005 2:42 am

Faith is a good thing to have in any adversity. I'm not Christian, but feel not having any tradition to ground you and center you is responsible for a lot of unnecessary pain, hate, and fear in this world. Light a lamp, keep it lit, let it guide you to safety, or at least cling to this side of life, until the storm passes. :)
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Postby The_Stalker on Sun Feb 27, 2005 12:23 pm

Arrrrrgh, its finally over, but I look like a shmuck. God that hurt.

Someone give me a bottle of everclear. I dont want to think for a while.
-Andrew "The Stalker" Watkins CI, Companion to Order of the Knights of Jubal. Proud Uncle/Son of Chade.
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Postby Madhatter45 on Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:09 pm

The_Stalker wrote:Arrrrrgh, its finally over, but I look like a shmuck. God that hurt.

Someone give me a bottle of everclear. I dont want to think for a while.


:give you that bottle of everclear: Drink my friend. It does really hurt sometimes to do anything for people. Belive me I know. I've helped people out of horrible situations to not even recive a thank you. Sure it hurts, but what hurts more, your feelings or the potential for someone else to be physicaly harmed? Time heals all wounds (and a drink doesn't hurt much either :wink: )
On the front of my problem I had heres the final update on that. The girl was worth too much trouble. She hurt me and doesn't see a problem with it so I no longer talk to her. It does hurt a bit but it's better for me in the long run I suppose. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
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Postby kinako mochi on Sun Feb 27, 2005 1:47 pm

*orders Stalker a snifter of VSOP Remy Martin*

People that do that sort of thing usually have a lot going on in their heads. What may feel like a flippant confidence to you isn't nearly what it seems in the majority of cases. It doesn't excuse the selfishness or narrowness of what they've done, but it's important to remember that if you allow it to affect and darken you, it's not her doing anymore, it's yours.

Now, that's very easy to say and very hard if not impossible for some to do. But being a two-time suicide attempt myself, I feel I have a somewhat more rare perspective than most to the damage that carrying and nurturing destructive feelings of hollowness can do. It's very easy to slip into a poor-me and experience reklatS, or cover your grief with the easy saturation of anger and rage. Both are emotions that belie a deeper wound that must be faced and felt as it is, before one can move on.

I really respect Tina's view on life. More than any other Wapsi character, she embodies the Zen ideal of transience, especially as pertains to her emotions and how they affect her life and attitude. She really has taken ownership of her own happiness. :D

Just remember, after you mourn and get ready to move on
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Postby azalea2 on Mon Feb 28, 2005 10:02 am

Hey, The_Stalker, I hope you're doing (relatively) okay. It's easy to drown sorrows in alcohol, but that often brings its own problems. Just going out for a good, long, (sober) walk can be less dangerous.

(I thought i saw a drunken looking post from you last night, but it's gone this morning. I'm hoping that you've woken up with your head more-or-less together.)
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Postby The_Stalker on Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:09 pm

Umm, yeah that was me.

No it just really bites right now. I've lost two very good friends over this, and all I was ever trying to do was help. I do her a favor, she meets him, they get together, they break up, I lose all around.

I didnt exactly drown anything in alcohol, I postponed thinking about it is all. Alcohol doesnt make anything go away, tha most it does is delay when you have to confront it.

As I tried to say last night; The only thing that can get between two good friends is a woman.
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Postby azalea2 on Mon Feb 28, 2005 10:32 pm

You did succeed in saying that last night. :wink:

It sucks, but unfortunately, things happen. It's horridly depressing when a relationship (and/or its ending) shatters multiple relationships. Enough time will help to heal, but the wait is hard.

I was just a bit worried, because i've done regrettable things after drinking too much. mumblelikesaturdaynightmumble
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Postby Fhqwhgads on Tue Mar 01, 2005 5:51 am

azalea2 wrote:I was just a bit worried, because i've done regrettable things after drinking too much. mumblelikesaturdaynightmumble


*delurk* Oh! With bait like that, who can resist? :D OK, whadja do Saturday night after drinking too much??
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Postby azalea2 on Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:14 am

*silence*

Nothing that won't heal in a couple of weeks or so.
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Postby pablo on Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:48 pm

*senses curiousity levels rising*

Azalea2 is playing with us now. :wink:

I set two friends up before (a couple of times) worst things I could've done. Luckily, the guy I set up more than once with female friends still talks to me. :o
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Postby azalea2 on Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:32 pm

Okay, i took a razor blade and sliced up the insides of both my arms. (And yes, i know it's ineffective to use a razor blade, but my surgical scalpels were all at home.) One friend cleaned me up with antiseptic, and another stayed with me all night to make sure i wouldn't do anything else. Luckily, i was too drunk to go deep enough to hit veins (though i did trace along them nicely). I have no idea why i did this; alcohol lowered my inhibitions enough that i immediately acted upon the image instead of arguing with it.

Live and learn.
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Postby Ryalyn on Wed Mar 02, 2005 6:42 am

Grabs Azalea2 in a big hug and doesn't let go

I don't really know what to say, other than that I'm so glad that you didn't hurt yourself more than you did. One of my closest friends used to cut herself sometimes and I never knew what to say to her either when she'd tell me.

I'm so glad that you have friends nearby who'll help you and stay with you.

You're so precious to all of us, Azalea!!!
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Postby Fhqwhgads on Wed Mar 02, 2005 10:43 am

Aw man, I just swung back in...

I am so so sorry.

I always wanted to be one of those white-knight guys you know? With the magic words that would fix everything. It's disheartening, to say the least, to find out that there are no magic words.

I found myself dating someone who did similar things in college. This is an experience that, ah, changes your outlook in a permanent sort of way. I wanted to "fix" her as well but learned the hard way through a long relationship that wanting to be a white knight doesn't actually make you one.

FWIW Azalea, there are many supporting shoulders and listening ears for you in this place.

:cry:
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Postby Lugnut on Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:10 pm

Seconded!!! Or thirded...that ain't a word...schozbot...

Azalea, you and I can buddy up at bars. Nuffin' but chocolate milkshakes. I've never hurt myself (in the strictest of terms, anyway), but I don't like myself when I've been drunk, so I don't get drunk.

*BIG HUGE SQUISHY HUGS* Take care of your arms, too. I had a friend develop septecemia from a similar incident, and it was horrible. I know that probably sounds strange and not helpful, but you've got two kinds of wounds to take care of. :(
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Postby The_Stalker on Wed Mar 02, 2005 10:36 pm

azalea2 wrote:Live and learn.

Normally I'd say "No blood no foul." but it looks like you broke that saying. Live and learn works, just so long as you stick around to do more of both.
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Postby azalea2 on Thu Mar 03, 2005 1:14 pm

*blushes heavily*

Rylan:
Thanks. I'm also glad that i didn't hurt myself for than i did.

This is actually the first time that I've had someone help me afterwards... but it was also the first time i did something in front of other people. I couldn't pull my sleeves down to hide my arms because that would get the sleeves dirty. (Boy, the stupid things which become important in situations like that.)

Fhqwhgads:
Thanks.

It's incredibly frustrating to try to help someone who seems hell-bent on destroying themselves. (Not that I've ever been on the other side of the stick, but...)

As as with everything, in the end, we are all responsible to taking care of ourselves. In my case, that includes sticking to the fizzy water, and accepting the help of my friends. =)

Lugnut:
Thanks.

I can do just fine when I'm only slightly buzzed, but, well, I'm a small person, so the line between "buzzed" and "drunk off my ass" is a very fine one. That, plus when i get panicked, I'm likely to aim for "drunk off my ass". I was at a party with lots of people and a moderate amount of noise, and i should have just found a back room to hide in.

My friends did apply antiseptic for me - something which I've never done for myself on non-accidental injuries. Wow, that stuff sure does help prevent infections! (Yeah, duh.) At any rate, things are healing along, and i didn't do anything which needed stitches. (*phew*)

The_Stalker:
Thanks.

Boy, I feel like a dweeb. I really was just worried about you, and now i feel like I've invited everyone to a pity-party just for me.

"Live and learn" works; so far I've always succeeded at living. "It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye" also works. So far. =P
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Postby Lugnut on Thu Mar 03, 2005 5:57 pm

I stick with either "I plan to live forever or die trying", or "I plan to live forever...so far, so good." And I'm the same way Azalea....5'4" and a buck 20...booze hits me like a brick stick. So I tend to show up at a party drinking a milkshake, which tends to keep me safe from people forcing booze on me. Iunno about the rest of the world, but if I've polished off a shake and I drink strong booze, the sick that follows is something for the record books.

I'm glad your friends helped clean you up...have you talked to any of them about what happened? Unless they were blitzed to the point of blindness, I'm sure they remember what went on...and they might want to talk about it or just to know you're okay, but it's a precarious position to be in when you don't know if asking is appropriate.

And remember...taking care of yourself is more important than a party. If you know that things like this happen, just remember that you don't have to go. Or do like I do, stop at an ice cream shop on the way there, keep your shake/cone/etc in hand, and usually once I'm through with my treat, I'm ready to head out. You put in an appearance, spend a bit of time with your friends while they still know what planet they're on, and you're out the door before anything goes awry.

Remember...You're too valuable to risk.
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Postby pablo on Thu Mar 03, 2005 6:49 pm

Yikes azalea2! :o :( I thought you were talking about something playful!!!
Glad to hear you're okay.
Please stay safe! :D
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Postby azalea2 on Thu Mar 03, 2005 7:54 pm

I'm 5'2"... in my stompy boots with 2.5" heels. *rolls eyes*

I think i should get into the habit of bringing fizzy water along. My friends (luckily) wouldn't try to push stuff on me, but the fizzy water does fill me up.

I talked to one friend (when he was staying with me to make sure i was okay), and i emailed them both the next day with a very short explanation and a huge thank-you. I also got talked into a next-day appointment with my psychiatrist, so he could see what i did. *meefle* It's been months and months since I've done anything along these lines; i should be able to avoid doing so again for a good long time.

~~~~~~

Oh, Pablo, if you want the playful story, that's the very first time i got drunk. It was at a friend's wedding, and i kept on flirting with the bride. I was disappointed when she explained to me that no, i couldn't sleep with her that night, since she was going to be sleeping with her husband. I thought my rejoinder of "But you get to sleep with him *every* night! It's been months and months since I've seen you!" (with a huge pout and a little foot stomp) was irrefutable, but evidently not. (Everyone said that it was too cute for words, the only person looking a bit disturbed being one of the bride's sisters.)
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Postby Fhqwhgads on Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:37 pm

azalea2 wrote:I'm 5'2"... in my stompy boots with 2.5" heels. *rolls eyes*


mmmm....stompy...boots...RAWK. 8) I am *never* without the mighty and fabled stompy boots. They're like Samson's hair, they're the source of all my strength. :wink: (well maybe not but you get the idea)
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Postby Darley on Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:15 pm

Hello everyone. I was tuned into Wapsi about 4 months ago by a friend and I must say I enjoy it so very much. Thank you for all of your hard work Pablo.

Now that the formalities are done, the reason I come to the bar. Give me something that's mellow. I can drink more that way.

This is a very long story that goes back over a year ago. It involves my nephew, my brother in law, and his wife. I'll try to give a condensed version for the sake of my fellow bar patrons.

My nephew is going to be 5 years old in May. He has the mouth of a sailor, a temper, and no real anger management skills of any kind. My BiL and his wife have recently had to sign away their parental rights, for the time being, to his parents for neglect, and who else knows what. My mother in law has been very selfish with information. Why? I'm not sure. It might be to, in some ways, protect her own son from the rest of the family. Or it might be just because she feels that if we knew everything, we'd fight to have our nephew removed from the family completely and given to a foster parent/family who knew how to specifically deal with the emotional issues that my nephew has due to the fact his parents really arent parents.
To give you an idea as to how bad off my nephew is, he got frustrated with a puzzle last week. He then went into his room and completely trashed it. I've been told that when he got angry while at day care, he'd actually strike teachers, other students, and throw chairs around. He apparently struck his aunt this morning in the eye, because he could. Because he wanted to. He also hurts his cousin almost every day they play together. I'm not talking typical little boy rough housing either. My nephews arent allowed to play together anymore for the time being. If he gets into trouble and has to have a time out, he has to be put somewhere he cant hurt himself because he apparently throws himself around in a fit of rage.
I've also been told that my nephew hides from his grandparents. When he hides he gets himself into small enough spaces that if he doesnt move, or speak, you cant find him. He's learned the art of being completely still while hiding. But there's no sign of physical abuse coming from his parents? :roll: That just doesnt make any sense to me at all.
I have 2 girls. They love their cousin very much. Since it was spring break this past week, I allowed them to go visit, but not stay the night. Its so sad that I have to limit the contact between my girls and my nephew for their own safety's sake. Its just not right. It should not be this way.
I honestly think that my nephew needs to be with people who have training in dealing with children who have been through a similiar situation, or have the same emotional problems. My in-laws are not, in my honest opinion, equipped to handle this situation. But since I'm not seeing any of the acting out my nephew has done with my own 2 eyes, and everything I'm finding out would probably be considered 2nd hand knowledge/hearsay, what do I do? Not to mention if I push too hard to have my nephew removed from my in-laws, I could be pushing the family to a nuclear explosion.
I love my nephew. If I could, I'd adopt him. My husband and I just arent in a position to have another child. I want to see him in the very best of situations. I'm just not convinced living with MaGa and Papa is the answer.
And lets not forget the fact I'd love to beat the wholly living hell out of my BiL and his wife for doing this to my nephew in the first place. :x :evil: They dont deserve my nephew. This isnt the first time they have had to give my in-laws custody.
There's oh so much more I could tell. But I think I've written enough. I guess I feel really bad because I had no idea things were this bad. Its hard not to feel like I've failed my nephew for not noticing earlier how things were for him.
Sigh
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Postby TheTeague on Sun Mar 27, 2005 4:44 pm

If the parents had to sign away thier parental rights recently, than shouldn't social services already be aware of the situation and investigating, or was the signing away a destreet solution to avoid legal consiquences?

I used to work in a child care facility where troubled kids, 12 to 18 years old, resided while being treated by psycologists, supervised by child care workers 24/7 while each worked on a personalized self improvement program they had to meet before they were moved back in with thier families or into new foster families if their own family were unfit to care for them. All the faculty are trained to patiently and assertivly help the kids break thier destructive and manipulative habbits. Although we didn't take in kids as young as 5, I'm sure there's a care facility in your area that does. You may want to look into it and see if it's good and the parents themselves (or the inlaws with the signed parental rights) can enter your nephew into the program. He's still very young now and it'd be so much more difficult for him to help himself as he gets older and more resistant to change.
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Postby Darley on Wed Mar 30, 2005 10:11 am

Well, I'd really like to believe that Social Services(CYFD) is completely involved in this case and is handling it within the confines of the law.
But then again, I know my mother in law. I've known her for 14 years now and its always been half truths, skirting topics, and outright lying about 80% of the stuff that goes on within the family. She usually does it to save face for the person who is the current subject of the conversation. There are something things that she's telling me that just dont add up. And we have yet to see any formal proof that she and my father in law do have custody of our nephew.
Take for example Monday. My mother in law went to a meeting to discuss my nephews future. Like if and when he can be returned to his parents. Now I honestly and truthfully admit, I've never been in this situation before and so I dont know what rules there are concerning foster parenting. But I would think that my father in law would also have to be present during any and all meetings concerning the situation. I find it so incredibly convenient that my mother in law is the only one who ever seems to be involved in this process. It also seemed incredibly odd to me that the social worker would call my mother in law at 9pm Sunday night to tell her to be at the meeting first thing Monday morning.
Maybe this is a situation of my ignorance clouding my ability to judge the situation with a fair and open mind. But things just arent adding up. Any thoughts of insight you might have TheTeague would be most helpful and I'm more than willing to hear what you have to say.
I'm just hoping that with some time, love, understanding, and psychological help, my nephew can get back on track.
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Postby Ryalyn on Wed Mar 30, 2005 8:13 pm

I'm sorry, but your nephew sounds really spoiled. Maybe I've just not been around enough children, but in my experience, if a child is rough with other children and throwing fits and trying anything they can to get their own way, it's because they're used to having things go their own way.

And why do you always say you "brother-in-law and his wife" instead of your "sister and her husband"? You mention them two or three times and you never refer to other partner as being any relation of yours. Am I just off in left field somewhere in regards to how your family is organized or is there something wrong between you and your sibling?

My family was an on-call family for foster care for many, many years. We were one of those homes that would be on-call for two weeks and then off for two weeks, getting kids of all ages at all times of the day for any length of time, ranging from a few hours to, in the longest case, a couple years. Most stayed about two weeks before going somewhere else for a longer time. We had kids come who were really brats and kids who came who were completely unaware of how to behave in a home situation and kids who came who were supposed to be completely wild and who were perfectly calm once they were there. Seriously, we had a kid come who supposedly ran after his sister with a knife and he was one of the most polite kids I'd met. And then we had other more "normal" kids who ended up leaving our house to go to mental hospitals or juvie centers.

So, I really think we're not seeing the whole situation here, Darley. The child's parents may be doing a really poor job, and if Social Services is already involved then clearly there's something wrong. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that they can't figure out how to deal with their very energetic child.

And I really have to wonder about your mother-in-law's involvement. That seems very odd to me, too.

Anyway. Like I said, I don't have children so maybe I'm really far off here. But I really, really suspect that there's more going on here that we're not seeing.



Hey, DinkyInky? How are things going at your house? Have you resolved any of your situation yet? You said some stuff over in the "holidays" thread in the regular forum that made it sound like your tenets from hell were still there and making life wretched. Still awful? Or have things gotten any better? (Oh, I soooo hope that things are better!)
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Postby BathroomKey on Sat Apr 02, 2005 7:04 pm

Hi, my name is Bathroomkey and I'm too cheap for therapy :D !

In all seriousness, it doesn't seem like anyone has posted here since last month so I'll assume I can take the floor.

I've basically alienated all my friends around me and even some of my family. The times that I'm able to rev myself up don't come as often as the times I twitch in my sleep. Hey, I know something has got to be messed up when I start missing class because I can't pull myself together enough to get out the door.

Example of what I'm trying to get at? Well, let
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