QoW Update - comic for 1/19

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QoW Update - comic for 1/19

Postby Aeire on Tue Jan 18, 2005 9:04 pm

Is now up
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Postby GrassyNoel on Tue Jan 18, 2005 9:43 pm

What she say? Kestrel has hurt Angela?
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Postby Guairdean on Wed Jan 19, 2005 5:25 am

There's enough hurt to go around.
The heart can perceive that which the mind cannot comprehend.
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Postby Ziah on Wed Jan 19, 2005 6:17 am

*sniff* It leaves me with an empty, hollow feeling that sucks, just like stuff like this in real life. Aeire, you're too good.
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Postby Auburn_Vixn on Wed Jan 19, 2005 9:56 am

Kestrel is really losing out. She's only hurting going to hurt them both because of fears. If she talked things out more with Angela and accepted that Angela's feelings won't just go away, I think she'd find their friendship would stronger than ever.

I've been in her position before. I have a lot of guy friends--a few who are single. Two had crushes on me--one of them I knew about from day one, the other brought it up later.

The only things I changed about our friendships is I avoided taking too much stock in advice from either of them if they didn't like my boyfriends. Second, I didn't talk much about love interests--but I didn't hide them either.

About two or three times, they'd bring things up or there was a tension. But we'd never hide it... When you hide things they fester and assumptions get made. We'd talk it out and I'd gently them it couldn't be and why, but then I'd remind them we had a strong friendship--and that meant more to me than dating. And it really does. Boyfriends come and go, but true frienedships are forever.

10 years later, we are all still friends. Five years ago, a boyfriend cheated on me and dumped me. One of these friends decided to set me up on a blind date with his coworker (it was his way of accepted our friendship). From then on out all tensions left.

A year later, my bud found the woman of his dreams, and now he is happily married and has a little boy. He and his family are invited to my wedding...I'm getting married to the coworker he set me up with. :)
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Hm...

Postby WingChun Lawyer on Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:39 am

I disagree with Auburn. Strong attraction cannot be ignored. Kestrel did the best thing she could possibly do: in those situations the best thing is to stay away from your friend/fan for a while.

Now, if Angela just fancied Kestrel, that would be one thing. Apparently there is more than that.

Auburn, with all due respect, I believe you just managed to work things up with your male friends because they were not in fact absolutely, positively in love with you. If that were the case they would hardly be able to stand seeing you with another guy, much less arrange you a date.
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Postby BOMC on Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:13 am

I think since Kestrel is leaving soon, she did the right thing. If she were staying, it would be worthwhile to try and see if they could work things out, and maybe Angela would get over it in the long run. But a month is not long enough to get over this, so Kestrel is right: it would just be awkward.
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Postby Yurigirl on Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:54 am

Hi everyone...I'm new!

Anyway...I feel really, really badly for Angela, because I've been in her exact position. But I think this is for the best. In my case, my friend and I actually DID try to get together, but she was straight, and decided she wanted to stay that way eventually, so the heartbreak was just plain worse.

Not that I don't still wish for a really sweet fairy tale ending for Angela...just looking at it practically.
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Re: Hm...

Postby Gerbie on Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:12 pm

WingChun Lawyer wrote:I disagree with Auburn. Strong attraction cannot be ignored. Kestrel did the best thing she could possibly do: in those situations the best thing is to stay away from your friend/fan for a while.

Now, if Angela just fancied Kestrel, that would be one thing. Apparently there is more than that.

Auburn, with all due respect, I believe you just managed to work things up with your male friends because they were not in fact absolutely, positively in love with you. If that were the case they would hardly be able to stand seeing you with another guy, much less arrange you a date.


You probably can't understand it unless you've been involved with such a situation before.. but you're wrong.

I've been through it twice. First time ended with the girl pushing me out of her life. Second time is still going, and she's my best friend. I can tell you in all honesty that the hurt is far greater if you lose the friend than it is knowing the one you love is with someone else.
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Re: Hm...

Postby Ambystoma4 on Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:43 pm

WingChun Lawyer wrote:Auburn, with all due respect, I believe you just managed to work things up with your male friends because they were not in fact absolutely, positively in love with you. If that were the case they would hardly be able to stand seeing you with another guy, much less arrange you a date.


Don't read this as me being a jerk I'm just a little offended that you would insinuate that all guys are insecure, jealous, possessive assholes. (Ok basically just insecure since that is what all that stems from.)

Some of us are rational human beings that know we can't control other people and if we try we are just going to destroy them for us. It's just by the other person's grace that we are in their company.

I'll admit that it hurts to see someone you like choose someone else, but you can't change that. Accept that the most you can do is care altruistically about them and look some place else for affection. Happy by proxy is probably the best way to describe it. (A I'm happy because you're happy type of thing.)

Like the Devil says, "I can grant you anything you want, but I can't make someone fall in love with you."

I know this is female centric comic, but sometimes the male hating can get a bit much. (Not on Aiere's part. Just sometimes in the forums.)
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Re: Hm...

Postby Auburn_Vixn on Wed Jan 19, 2005 2:51 pm

WingChun Lawyer wrote:

Auburn, with all due respect, I believe you just managed to work things up with your male friends because they were not in fact absolutely, positively in love with you. If that were the case they would hardly be able to stand seeing you with another guy, much less arrange you a date.


It is rather presumptuous to judge someone and their friends if you don't know them, don't you think? :)

For what it's worth it is quite wrong to make such assumptions about me or my friends.

I've had friends that were attracted to me (including other women). But both of the guys I am talking about were truly in love--one was super-infatuated from the start -- the other fell in love with me after a year. It's not terribly surprising... We have lots in common, and we had lots of fun together.

But I had to put my foot down and talk to them to make things clear that they would always be friends (true friends--not the"just friends" stupid cliche crap). Of course, I never tried to force either of them to talk about their feelings or even make those feelings go away. I know they hurt...I've been there myself.. I know if either of them had wanted to stop our friendship they could have.

The boyfriend thing was a little akward, but not the end of the world. Of course, neither of them liked most of my boyfriends--which was partially a jealousy thing--but a lot of guys I dated were jerks. :)

I implemented something strange called "sensitivity." I was very careful about PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) with boyfriends in front of my guy friends--nor would I brag about my relationships or ask them for advice. That is called "common sense."

It took awhile but we both worked through things--and still fun times. True friendship is not easy to find, and it's worth sticking through hard times for--even if there are feelings involved.

To this day, we LOVE each other--not as lovers but as family. Both of my guyfriends have moved on and found wonderful partners--one has a family, and they both adore my fiance (a sign he is "the one").

If I was Kestrel I wouldn't ditch Angela in a New York minute--especially NOT before moving away.
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Welcomes

Postby HiFranc on Wed Jan 19, 2005 3:42 pm

Welcome to QoW and its forum, WingChun Lawyer and Yurigirl.

Ps.
I second Gerbie's sentiments.
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Postby Fleurdelys on Wed Jan 19, 2005 6:48 pm

Put me on the "I agree" list.

Bad Kestrel. I understand that she might feel hurt, but having strong feelings for someone doesn't mean that Angela hadn't acted all this time in true friendship.
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Postby mabarosi on Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:46 pm

Cool blurring focus/out-of-focus technique, Aeire!
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Postby Calisto on Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:52 pm

Fleurdelys wrote:Put me on the "I agree" list.

Bad Kestrel. I understand that she might feel hurt, but having strong feelings for someone doesn't mean that Angela hadn't acted all this time in true friendship.
She pretty much admitted that she hadn't
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Postby Ambystoma4 on Wed Jan 19, 2005 11:52 pm

It's all in the wording of it.
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Very well then...

Postby WingChun Lawyer on Thu Jan 20, 2005 7:27 am

Gerbie: wrong? We are talking about very personal feelings, I just expressed my opinion. Personally, I would never hang around someone I loved who didn
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Postby rukh03 on Thu Jan 20, 2005 12:13 pm

Wow, this is kinda alot to jump into... (but here I go anyway :wink: )
I think everyone has very valid points. As for what's best for Angela, (ie stay close and work it out/ take some space/ leave for good) I think a very large part of it depends on what kind of love/care/support she is getting from other people. She really needs someone outside the situation, who cares about her, to help her through it or any contact during Kestrel's remaining month will be much more painfull, and awkward, and she might as well not have any.
That is just my oppinion, but still, that is an awfully big bridge to burn. :cry:



WingChun: If you type '[quote=name of quotee]quotetext[/quote]' it is a bit easier to read. If you didn't know already, and if you did then nevermind and ignore this completely. :D
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Postby GabrielTane on Thu Jan 20, 2005 3:43 pm

rukh03 wrote:WingChun: If you type '[quote=name of quotee]quotetext[/quote-]' it is a bit easier to read. If you didn't know already, and if you did then nevermind and ignore this completely. :D


syntax correction: you have to put the 'name if quotee' in quotation marks. Otherwise, it'll just post everything as you have it typed.

not trying to be a know-it-all... just something I've screwed up enough to remember it now. :wink:

[edit] and quoteing someone while they're talking about quoting (including the syntax) can also screw things up. heh.
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Re: Very well then...

Postby Ambystoma4 on Thu Jan 20, 2005 4:25 pm

[quote="WingChun Lawyer"]"Happy by proxy is probably the best way to describe it. (A I'm happy because you're happy type of thing.)"

This is precisely where I disagree with some of you guys. I don
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Postby rukh03 on Fri Jan 21, 2005 8:07 am

GabrielTane wrote:syntax correction: you have to put the 'name if quotee' in quotation marks. Otherwise, it'll just post everything as you have it typed.

Ah yes, thank you. :)


Ambystoma4 wrote:Caring about that person's happiness and giving then unconditonal love is what I was trying to say.

I think I understand what you're saying. And it seems to me a much higher love than what's in most romantic movies and books; even than their True Love.
Love is extremely complex. 'True Love' is based only half (if that) on emotion, the other half is choice. (Choose to love someone no matter what) Unconditional Love I think is almost entirely based on a concious choice of will. It is about giving while expecting nothing in return and accepting people for who they are, just as they are. And that might be too much over-simplifying it. But if you can love someone that way, you do find yourself feeling happy for them if they find someone who makes them happy.
Still, moving from a romantic interest type love to a purely friend type love deffinately takes a process of letting go. And different people have to deal with it in different ways.
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