Lookee what I made!

[Skullduggerous]

I figured I should make a topic for my fanfiction, just to see what you guys think.

http://zebragirl.keenspot.com/chatroom.html

Well? Opinions, thoughts, razor-sharp criticism? C'mon, I thrive on feedback. How do you like it?

[BrianJ]

Excellent! I think you captured Mary (for as much as we know of her) and Sam very well in this. Cool concept: the return to the message boards after his recent ordeal. The format of the original comics for this leads very well into doing message board fan-fiction. Very neat.

[Shortyland05]

yea, that was a pretty good Fanfic, quite original format as well

[Skippy the Neandert(h)al]

That was effin' cool! What they said!

To be critical, because I love being bombarded with critique; I thought it was slightly lengthy in the middle, but then again, I have a very short attention span, so it might just be me. I mean, seriously, nothing to get all doubtful about yourself on.

[Skullduggerous]

Actually, I value criticism far more than I value praise. I've found it to be a million times more helpful.

I did lose my train of thought at some point while I was writing--that might account for some wandering during the middle.

If you guys like this, I have more coming up. I've got several scenes I want to try out, which also stand on their own. Of all the universes I've messed with in my fan-writer career Zebra Girl is the most fun to imagine new scenaries for. The trouble is making it look good in text form.

Thanks for all the opinions so far! I'm glad to hear you liked it!

[BrianJ]

I didn't think it got to be rambling in the middle. That's kinda the way chats tend to go, from what I've seen.

The one thing that DID catch my eye the first time I read this through was the fact that Sam's giving Mary grief for use of ellipsis ("GiantTalkingCartoonRabbit: There it is again. There must be an epidemic going around."), then, just three of his entries later, HE'S using ellipsis ("GiantTalkingCartoonRabbit: Maybe another time. Right now I've got a headache and I don't really want to think about it any more...I'm tired of thinking."). It wasn't until much later that Mary noted his use of them (when she thought he was offended)...
...
...

Actually, I hope you revisit this arc and add other conversations. I think there's a lot to explore here. Then again, I REALLY hope Joe will go back and explore the Sam/Mary thing as well (I'm sure he will someday).

...

[Skullduggerous]

Yeah, I see what you mean. I will admit I tend to use ellipsis a LOT in my writing, so frequently I will forget I even put them in there.

I definitely intend to continue this. When I wrote it, I figured there would be MONTHS before I could keep going with it, but now that Joe's established his new status quo for updates, I might take another stab at it much sooner than expected.