by vden on Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:35 pm
Ok, I just in from one of the worst nights in recent history.
The music was crap, no one was talking, I ended up drawing little pictures on beermats and no one found it funny.
I did however discover something new; a local drink called 'the bomb'. It's made from some European larger, absinthe and red bull. You also set it on fire. While setting fire to spirts isn't anything new or surprising, what surprised me was how much the drink didn't taste like alcohol at all. If fact, you burn off most of the alcohol before you drink it.
All day people were going on about the bomb; "Are you going to drink the bomb?" "You gonna have a bomb" "You look like the type who'd like a bomb, have a bomb" "get a bomb" Everyone got the bomb. The way everyone was going on I thought it was a serious drink. A cool drink. A cult drink like Black Death or Absinthe.
It wasn't.
I can honestly say that it is one of the shittest drinks I have ever had. The purpose of the whole thing is to get rid of the bitter taste of absinthe for people who don't like drinking anything that doesn't taste like pop. As you can probably guess, this is one of those drinks that you down in one go, further destroying the whole drink experience.
I like my spirits, especialy rum and wisky and get so fucking sick of people who think that the only way to drink is to chug it all down in one go. They pester me, they annoy me with things like "Chug! Chug!Chug!" "Doooown it!" and ""down in one man." Fuck you. I like to drink my drinks in my own time goddamnit. I paid for this drink and I'm damn well going to enjoy it. I'm not going to treat my alcohol like a two dollar whore and get it all finished in six seconds; I'm going to savour it, enjoy it, make the most of it. Like a long slow fuck with a woman I love, to complete the analogy.
You don't want to drink absithe right out of the bottle? Fine, mix it with sugar water like the ye olde people who did the paintings did, you get a fine drink that looks like milk, has a high %, tastes wonderful and doesn't lose the psychotropic effects of wormwood extract; it's something you can enjoy. Something that will last. Don't get the sweetest larger from another country and an energy drink, down it and pretend you're a hard drinker. You're not.
If you do that then it's likely you drink alcholopops, just because they taste like the fruit juice you had as a kid. The drink doesn't matter, the mood, the setting, hell even the fucking company you have around you doesn't matter; all that matters to you is how fast you can drink fruit punch. While this isn't bad or wrong in itself (well ok, it is), what is wrong is the way you brag about your amazing ability to consume large volumes of shit intended to appeal to underage drinkers. You can't even keep it down, spewing your multi-coloured apple scented vomit crap all over the fucking pavement because you had "sooooooo much to drink".
Stop it. Stop it right now.
Downing pints is good for drink races or showing off, it is not how you drink every fucking thing you buy. Alcohol should not taste like pop, I don't care how much you loved the Robinson's fruit juice your mother gave you when you were a kid, the only fruit in alcohol should be in wine or cider form. And even then your sexuality comes into question if you drink wine.
And what the hell is it with people being proud of drinking so much they throw up? So you can't handle your drink, that's nothing to be proud of. Drink too much and you can't have sex, can't write your name and can't remember the way home. If you do this then you deserve to be glassed with every bottle in the bar. It shows you can't drink responsably and shouldn't be anywhere near the stuff. Really. You're not going to impress me with stories on how you vomitted all over your girlfriend's mattress or ate half a curry before taking a shit in the living room after drinking six, yes SIX (gasp!) bottles of some overpriced apple flavored alcho-pop.
Get a beer. Get a double. Get a fucking Black Russian with ice and a little umbrella, I don't care JUST GROW THE FUCK UP! You still drink the shitty things you drank when you were thirteen and you still think you're being cool. Some day you'll realise what a freaking moron you've been and have a nice cool pint of real liquor in the company of real friends and actually enjoy yourself. No vomit, no cheap curry, none of this bullshit about how putting Red Bull or Robinson's Blackberry in a drink makes it better and pretending to be something you're not.
Just chill, take your time and enjoy a real drink.
I'm not even going to get started on people who drink shots.