The Real Post Man (not one of those cheap rip-offs)TM

A warrior (Bruno) and a small dragon (Fiona) team up for fun and plunder in this fantasy comic strip.

Moderators: kmd, Ian McDonald, Limax

Postby Kilo24 on Sat Mar 30, 2002 2:20 pm

Kilo24 is hereby entitled to the first post of the 'The Real Post Man (not one of those cheap rip-offs)TM' forum. This cannot be changed by anything short of divine intervention (or a banana slug.)The license to it lasts for one hour (aka. all eternity) and has a worth of .03 dollars (or a 50, whatever floats your boat.) There has been reports of a 'fake' Post Man forum which has been prophesized (by a chimpanzee and a pair of nosehair clippers) in that the alleged reports indicate that there is a prophesy that a one 'mouse' will violently encounter a mousetrap and that a one 'Antarius' will encounter a fate worse than death: being pushed to the top of all telemarketer lists if the above two from the above forum from the above prophecy with the above names from the above topic post on this forum (ie.: you die if you touch this.) This legal statement (99% fluff, 1% redundance) has been written by the Moneysucking Law Firm (ie. Moneysucking Law Firm) with the aid of the 'Amulet of Bull*@&% (TM).' All items in paranthesis were included by desire of (God) (TM) Kilo24 (aka, the brilliant one, the witty one, or God of Legal-jargon interpreting.)

(PS. I have the last and first post :razz:)
I am, therefore I are.
Kilo24
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Postby Kilo24 on Sat Mar 30, 2002 7:20 pm

This message board (TM) is officially mine! It is where witnesses will experience the genius of..... (drumroll)........ me! As my first awe-inspiring action, I shall argue with myself! No, I won't! Yes I will! No I won't!.........
Thoroughly dazzled by my brilliance? Want to witness the climactic conclusion? Upgrade to Kilo24 Premium (TM) and get quality one-sided debates like you can find at no other message board for a mere 10 dollars a second! Not only will you get the legendary single person quarrels, you also will get:
-A lifetime subscription to Once-In-A-Lifetime Magazine!
-All the earwax you can eat (and more)!
-A lifetime supply of arsenic!
-The guide All You Ever Wanted to Know About Knuckle Cracking (and more)!
-A lifetime supply of oxygen!
-A politician that tells the truth! (supplies are limited, call now to reserve)
-An exploding Furby (TM) toy! (the best type)
-An invincible Furby (TM) toy! (the worst type)
-A non-existant Furby (TM) toy! (the very best type)
-A Terminox (TM) coupon for one free thorough lawyer inspection!
-A set of C4 (TM) for the inevitable results of the above! (poison gas doesn't work, they suck it right up)
-All the sauerkraut you can't eat! (and more)
-An eternal reign of frogs!

Tell them about the grand prize Alex!

One lucky winner will recieve a lifetime trip to Alcatraz with luxury accomadations and a grand view! The cots are made of the hardest stone, the bars of the toughest titanium, and the meals are directly imported from the sewers (freshness guaranteed)!







Small type: Kilo24 Premium (TM) cannot be held responsible for loss of freedom, sanity, or small pink bunnies named Bob.

So buy Kilo24 Premium (TM) now!

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=Signature Title=
Strange Nonsensical Quote- Title of a Book That Never Existed, Name of Someone That Never Existed, Physcopathic Squirrel with a Handgun and Control Over All Spuds That Refuses to Believe He Never Existed (ring a bell to anyone?)

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kilo24 on 2002-03-30 19:28 ]</font>
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Postby Kilo24 on Mon Apr 01, 2002 10:13 pm

I officially have this message board to me, myself and I. 'Tis mine! All mine!

'Tis Ant, mouse, and Major Tom free!!!

KYAHAHAHA!!!!! THE ONE TRUE POST MAN BOARD IS SOLELY MY DOMINION!!!! I HAVE INSCRIBED MY NAME IN THE WALLS OF MY CASTLE FORTRESS EVERYWHERE (in, not on stone)!!!!!! MY WALLS ARE MANNED BY LASER CANNON WIELDING:

RABID PINK PUFFIN DINGOES OF DOOM!!!! (TM)

If that doesn't stop any invasion, a combination of a lack of a drawbridge and stereo systems manned by:

LIFE INSURENCE SALESMEN OF DOOM!!!! (TM)

Only fools will attempt my moat, full of pink deadly herring. Those who attempt assaults, and captured, are forced to put a ring of sustenance on, be sealed and tied up in a tomb with a TV, AND FORCED TO WATCH THE:

SOAP OPERAS OF DOOM!!!! (TM)

FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!

i.e: don't touch this board under pain of eternal:

SOAP OPERAS OF DOOM!!!! (TM)


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Strange Nonsensical Quote- Title of a Book That Never Existed, Name of Someone That Never Existed, Name of a Soap Opera We Wish to Never Have Existed

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kilo24 on 2002-04-01 22:15 ]</font>
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Postby Antarius on Tue Apr 02, 2002 4:06 pm

Sorry... I have insomnia...

Can I have some of those soap operas now? I need some sleep.

Ant.

Oh shite! I posted on the board. Sowwy!
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Postby Kilo24 on Tue Apr 02, 2002 7:00 pm

Though hast destroyed the sanctity of this place!!!! You shall be turned away, foul Ant, with this holy symbol in the shape of a mousetrap!!!! (don't ask)

Now, flee, hideous thing, flee before the holy sight of Deathtoallrodentus!!!! *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* DIE!!!!!! *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *pant* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *swat* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *painless smite* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *takes the holy symbol in his other hand* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* "Monster!" *pant* "Scum!" *pant* "Surrender now..... or I will sic the life insurance salesmen upon thee!!!!!!! *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack*...........
I am, therefore I are.
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Postby Kilo24 on Tue Apr 02, 2002 7:00 pm

*whack*
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Strange Nonsensical Quote- Title of a Book That Never Existed, Name of Someone That Never Existed

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Kilo24 on 2002-04-06 20:03 ]</font>
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Postby Antarius on Tue Apr 02, 2002 9:31 pm

Stop repeating yourself. I heard you the first time.
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Postby mouse on Wed Apr 03, 2002 2:24 pm

ooo - nice comeback.
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Postby Kilo24 on Thu Apr 04, 2002 3:42 pm

Ever heard of the saying, "Two is better than one."?
Besides, I get in twice the whacks in the same amount of time.
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Postby Antarius on Thu Apr 04, 2002 4:41 pm

Sorry mouse. I was too tired to feel apathetic...

A more apt comeback would have been:

"I know you are, but what am I?"

:razz:

Ant
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Postby mouse on Fri Apr 05, 2002 2:52 pm

nah - that's getting cliche. 'heard you the first time' is much more appropriate for double posts.

(i would lift my hat to you, but with all that whacking going on, i figure it's better to keep covered)
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Postby Kilo24 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 7:13 am

The yak discussion on the Post Man topic proves that this one is the 100% certified patented non-fake Post Man! This topic shall never be disgraced by yaks!
I am, therefore I are.
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Postby Kilo24 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 7:26 am

The mouseywock by Kilo24

Twas brillig, and the Brunatics
Did gossip and ramble on the forum.
All mouses were problematic,
And the rocket scientists drank rum.

"Beware the mouseywock, my son!
The eyes that charm, the mouth that squeaks!
Beware the Antarius, and shun
The attic floor that creaks!+

He took his +12 vorpal mousetrap in hand;
Long time the rodent foe he sought
So flopped down he by The Neverending Story,
And started to rot.

And, as in uffish rot he stood,
The mouseywock, without a brain,
Came chewing through the cheeseful wood,
And ate blackmarket gouda as came.

Creak, crack! Creak, crack! And snap and snap.
The +12 vorpal mousetrap went crick-crack!
He left it with fleas, and took its cheese,
And went parading back.

"And hast thou slain the mouseywock?
Come to my arms, my squeamish boy!
Oh frabjous day! Calloh! Callay!"
He gargled in his joy.

Twas brillig, and the Brunatics
Did gossip and ramble on the forum.
All mouses were problematic,
And the rocket scientists still drank rum.


Kilo24 the genius of all geniuses, the greatest of the great, the humblest of the humble
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Postby Kilo24 on Wed Apr 17, 2002 7:27 am

Quality poetry, no?
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Postby mouse on Wed Apr 17, 2002 12:08 pm

where? where?
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Postby mouse on Wed Apr 17, 2002 12:10 pm

On 2002-04-17 08:13, Kilo24 wrote:
This topic shall never be disgraced by yaks!



well - not until _you_ brought them up....
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Postby mouse on Wed Apr 17, 2002 12:17 pm

hey - first post on _another_ page! two in one day! and first _and_ last post here! the trifecta! MICE RULE!
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Postby Antarius on Wed Apr 17, 2002 2:48 pm

Blah blah blah.

Such second-rate swill. You shall never come up to my standards, what with being the Master of the Last Post of the Page formerly known as Page 2 & the Master of the First Post of the Page formerly known as Page 3.

Besides, this forum is a cheap imitation Rolex forum. If you turn it upside down, you can make it out to say "L4st P0st" in an attempt to get around the copyright of an established trademark. Also, the gold paint is flecking off, which doesn't happen on your genuine gold forums.

Admit it: You're all members of the Dolly Parton fan club! Gah!

And you, Kilo... Wasn't that you that I saw down at the movies the other night, doing your impression of PeeWee Herman? You sick, sick amoeba!

Now, I shall not tolerate any more from you, oh Kilo. Thou art a recalcitrant, vigesimal troglodyte with more fingers than brain cells.

(No, I haven't forgiven you for dressing up in that Yak costume to spy on my penance ritual. I knew it was you, as most Yaks don't "Yakkity Yak, Don't Come Back!" But if you want to come back to my place some day, I've got a lovely new rabid hamster and a bowl of figs that you might enjoy...)

Cheers,

Antarius the Great.
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Postby Kilo24 on Thu Apr 18, 2002 4:46 am

Sorry, I don't do rabid hamsters and figs.
Demented rabbits and nukes however.....
I am, therefore I are.
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Postby Kilo24 on Fri May 10, 2002 8:58 am

I shall have the last post on the real AND the fake Post Man!!!! Kyahahaha!!
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Postby Limax on Thu May 23, 2002 3:20 pm

So, what happens if I post here? Does that mean that I win a prize? If so, I'd like three popped balloons. :P
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A salted slug gathers no moss.

This post is brought to you by the number 6.
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Sacrilege!

Postby Kilo24 on Thu May 23, 2002 8:49 pm

Heathen! You dare trespass upon holy ground?!?!? This topic is holier than cheese..... mmm..... cheeeeeeese......


Do not worry. The lovely colored padded walls keep me company.
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Postby Antarius on Fri May 24, 2002 12:34 am

Do not worry. The lovely colored padded walls keep me company.


As does his friends deep beneath the earth...
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prize? hah!

Postby mouse on Fri May 24, 2002 1:53 pm

Limax wrote:I'd like three popped balloons. :P


don't give kilo any ideas - he's bad enough without running around popping balloons right and left.
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*Yawn* *Squeak*

Postby Kilo24 on Fri May 24, 2002 11:33 pm

Antarius, you need to alter your picture. You know, to without the nose.
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