Insult Topic for the Week

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Insult Topic for the Week

Postby Paul Southworth on Tue Apr 13, 2004 5:38 am

Hi! What I'm doing here is kind of a variation on the "Insult of the Week" we used to do here at KL. But instead of just sending in random insults, I'm going to try to put up a "theme" every week for you guys to go off on. This week's is inspired by the 4/13 comic, in which Brad Halstead makes reference to "25 cent DVDs" bought over the "steam- powered internet". So here's the theme..."Insults for Old People".

Go nuts, nothing is taboo. Rag on wrinkles, liver spots, hair loss, degenerative diseases, old timey technology, anything...I'll probably take some of the best ones and post them on the site, but this is mostly for fun...at other people's expense. Which, as we all know, is the best kind. If it takes off, maybe someday I'll start offering prizes for the best one.

AND...GO.
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Postby Will on Tue Apr 13, 2004 8:34 am

Do you have to keep refering to yourself in the 3rd person so that you can remember your own name?
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Postby manic mole on Wed Apr 14, 2004 2:36 am

not only do you stick of piss BUT YOU CAN'T HEAR ME ETHER YOU DEAF BASTARD.
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Postby Mandy on Wed Apr 14, 2004 8:04 am

Don't break a hip changing your soggy Depends, Grandpa.
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Hey old guy! You're old. :wink:
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Postby Major Tom on Wed Apr 14, 2004 1:40 pm

Hey, wrinkley -- tell me again about when God was born.


We're fortunate that so many old folks are still on the road -- otherwise, we'd never know what half the posted speed limit looks like.
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I SAID THIS ONCE TO A MAN WITH TEETH, AND FRESH BREATH

Postby BabyJ on Thu Apr 15, 2004 5:49 pm

EVEN WITHOUT TEETH YOU MAY NEED A MINT, ASS. :evil:
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Postby The Bob Talbot on Thu Apr 15, 2004 6:01 pm

Paul, this is a bad idea.

I'M WATCHING YOU, PAUL.
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Postby SadisticEuphoria on Thu Apr 15, 2004 6:34 pm

So whats it like to go for the rest of your life with a Bouncy Ball for testicals?

When you were my age, social secuarity was a single digit number.
Hate tastes plesantly like pennies...
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Postby Skippy the Neandert(h)al on Thu Apr 15, 2004 9:36 pm

So sorry to hear about what happened in the war... did they ever find the wooly mammoth that blew off your foot?
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Postby Paul Southworth on Fri Apr 16, 2004 4:54 am

The Bob Talbot wrote:Paul, this is a bad idea.

I'M WATCHING YOU, PAUL.


I disagree, The Bob Talbot. I think it is a SPECTACULARLY bad idea, and you know why?

BECAUSE I'VE DONE IT BEFORE!

Don't you feel stupid now?
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Postby Paul Southworth on Fri Apr 16, 2004 4:54 am

Skippy the Neandert(h)al wrote:So sorry to hear about what happened in the war... did they ever find the wooly mammoth that blew off your foot?


This one is funny.

Seacrest out.
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Postby RichK on Fri Apr 16, 2004 8:20 am

Goes up to an old MAN:

"Hey, Matlock, where's the Bea Arthur convention this year?"

"Excuse me sir, when DOES the early bird special start at Denny's? I forgot."

Go up to someone with their elderly parent, preferably in a park:

"What a lovely Shar-Pei (the wrinkle dog), you want to go out for a drink?"
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Postby Ronald_MacK on Fri Apr 16, 2004 9:20 am

Wow, your head is almost as wrinkled as my balls. Got about just as much hair too.
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Postby CCelizic on Fri Apr 16, 2004 10:11 am

"Excuse me ma'am, but your boobs are tracking dirt into my store."

"So, which one of those wrinkles is your mouth?"

"I'm still trying to figure out if that's an albino cabbage gone horribly wrong or if it is indeed some old guy's face."

"So, how'd you guys keep warm before you invented fire?"

"I bet that gallon of derpdrugs'll only give him one minute."

"So if I shake the magic liver spot does it tell the future?"

"His eyesight probably went after he looked in a mirror."
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Postby Davarius on Mon Apr 19, 2004 3:17 pm

"People old enough to have directly participated in crucifying Jesus Christ should just get off the damn road and remember they aren't driving chariots anymore."

"The world you remember is dead and gone, the way of life you once embraced is a shriveled pile of compost, all of your friends are dead or comatose, and those liver spots make you look like a leper. I will now hang this bell on your neck and go bathe profusely to rid myself of your disease."

"So, what WAS it like to bang Cleopatra?"

I also offer this piece of general assholery.

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The quality sucks because it was drawn in ballpoint in class when I SHOULD have been paying attention to a video on spicing up TV interviews. Priorities suck.
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Postby AmanuJaku on Wed Apr 21, 2004 11:46 am

In case anyone is over the age of 50, and is offended by what is seen in this thread, I offer you a few ways out.

The Matlock Home Page or play some Checkers? Perhaps you would rather read the bible? Do you need someone to help you out?

- Medical science will have a cure for Alzheimer
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Postby RichK on Fri Apr 23, 2004 1:28 pm

We can't insult old people when this dude is representing them. :o

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He reminds me of Uncle "Junior" Soprano.
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Postby Ronald_MacK on Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:00 pm

That guy is awesome. But he reminds me of another insult.

"Oh, I see how this works. Since you're so old you can't get it up, your body comensates by making you resemble a cock.
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Postby Major Tom on Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:36 am

you can't blame the dog, grampa -- the dog's hips don't crackle when he pushes...
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Postby The Bob Talbot on Tue May 18, 2004 8:42 pm

Your mom's butt is so big that she had a yellow dress on and some people thought she was a taxi so they climbed into her butt and hey boy howdy oh jiggity jaggity bebop a loo la there was plenty of leg room in there and also space for their luggage. The rates were also acceptable, I hear.

Good luck with the taxi service.
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HAHAHAHAORTLFOWJEOSIDHJSDNSDNJKNDJSDSJDH LOL

Postby Paul Southworth on Thu May 20, 2004 7:07 am

Oh, BOB. If I were actually following through with this half-assed insult idea, you would win for sure.

Also, the rates are VERY acceptable, and the vehicle is 47% LESS fragrant than a normal cab.

IT'S TRUE!
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Postby Major Tom on Fri May 21, 2004 2:09 am

it's only friday, Paul --


--what's "next week's" assignment?
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New Assignment!

Postby Paul Southworth on Mon May 24, 2004 3:33 pm

New Assignment...

FAT PEOPLE

I'll post the winner of the previous contest post haste...or whenever I get around to it.
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Fat people

Postby RichK on Tue May 25, 2004 7:19 am

Your so fat we had to re-organize Hands Across America just to give you a hug.
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Postby scrantaj on Thu Jun 10, 2004 1:58 am

** Ahem **

You're so fat you need two wrist watches....One for each TIMEZONE!

You're so fat you can't even jump to conclusions.

You're so fat your ass needs its own congressman

You're so fat when you get laid the guy just slaps you on the thigh and rides the wave right on in there.

You're so fat when you get laid the girl needs a diving bell the take the pressure.

You're so fat when the guy is done he rolls over three times and he's still on top.

You're so fat when you go the movies you sit next to EVERYONE!

Your'e so fat, when you pager goes off people think you're reversing.

Your so fat you nickname is "DAAAAAMN!"


Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
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